Wait...What?

Most days when I'm on the computer, I'm playing around with Words w Friends on Facebook or catching up on blogs. Then there are days like today and yesterday where I spent a majority of my time looking up serious stuff. Having a child on the spectrum puts you constantly on the never ending search for resources, ideas, people to connect with. Some days you feel so alone and other days, you wish you *were* alone. My aunt has always been interested in Aspergers ever since Donovan was diagnosed. She's done so much research on her own and it always makes me feel so great knowing that she kinda gets it. Clearly no one, even someone with an ASD kid, gets our situation. To say the kids are all different is an understatement of gigantic proportions. At any rate, she messaged me on Facebook the other day asking if I had ever been to this particular website. I hadn't but checked it out because she has a good eye for finding information that I haven't found. My Autism Team i

I was looking at Donovan tonight while he was sleeping. You know how you do that. You just stare. Wondering where all the time went. How the hell did they get that big?? My God, they're going to get even bigger?? What. The. Hell? I rescued his baby book from his bed (the kids love looking at it. also?? it's the only one. whoops!) and took pictures of a some photos. Obviously the quality is far less than stellar. The point is made though..... This is what I look at every night. This sweet boy is the one I fight for all the time. The one I stand up for. The one who yells at me that I'm a horrible mom. The one who wishes I would just go live somewhere else. The one who, only an hour later, snuggles up to me saying sorry. The one who never means to hurt me. The one who can hurt me the most. The one who loves me the most in his own special way. He's getting so big, so fast. I can't keep up. I'm scared for the future. I mourn the past. I live for the now. It's