Wait...What?

Donovan's school is not a mainstream school. They educate children that are "special needs". I'm not too fond of that phrase and I'm lo to admit I've used it. He couldn't handle/process mainstream school (they couldn't handle/process him ha!) and was suspended twice in first grade. Yeah, not for him we thought. The school he's at now is nothing short of a miracle. They got him reading by the middle of 2nd grade. He transferred there during the last quarter of 1st grade and he only knew his letters and numbers. He had no desire to read at all and somehow, they got him reading. Now? Donovan is in 5th grade and reads at 8.5 to 9th grade level. Yep, that's my boy. We love this school and his teachers are some of the most amazing people we've ever met. The staff gets the kids to understand things that I barely understand myself. Today, he came home so darn excited waving around some paperwork and I couldn't even begin to guess what it was th...

Most days when I'm on the computer, I'm playing around with Words w Friends on Facebook or catching up on blogs. Then there are days like today and yesterday where I spent a majority of my time looking up serious stuff. Having a child on the spectrum puts you constantly on the never ending search for resources, ideas, people to connect with. Some days you feel so alone and other days, you wish you *were* alone. My aunt has always been interested in Aspergers ever since Donovan was diagnosed. She's done so much research on her own and it always makes me feel so great knowing that she kinda gets it. Clearly no one, even someone with an ASD kid, gets our situation. To say the kids are all different is an understatement of gigantic proportions. At any rate, she messaged me on Facebook the other day asking if I had ever been to this particular website. I hadn't but checked it out because she has a good eye for finding information that I haven't found. My Autism Team i...

I miss this kid.  Don't get me wrong. I love my son.  I love him so fiercely that it startles me sometimes. But I miss this kid.  Before a label was put on him. Before we had the evaluation. Before our lives were changed by that label. Sometimes I want to go back. Sometimes I want to quit. Sometimes I think this is too much. Most days I suck it up. That's what moms are supposed to do right? I can do that. I can suck it up.  I can be the mom that my kids need. That they deserve. That they want. I just need fewer sucky days.  Change is coming my friends. I see the end of the tunnel. We're on our way to happiness.  We're going to be just fine.  So Aspergers? Don't think you've got me beat. Don't think you can take that sweet boy from me. Don't think his calling me a "f*!king bitch"  regularly is going to break me. Don't think I won't kick your ass Aspergers.  You don't know who you're dealing with.

A month or so ago, the boy was suspended from riding the van for being annoying (wtf?) and for throwing his sweatshirt at one of the two other kids on the van. Mainly for being annoying. Also because the van driver claims he almost ran off the road because of the boy. Doubtful and I tell you this because I've driven this child in a van during an all out fight with his sister and I'm here to say, I did not run the vehicle off the road. I pulled over when I could and let loose threats and promises and curses on Ouji boards and all that good stuff but when all was said and done, the van was still on concrete. SO. I get this report (and two other reports that were never brought to my attention) and have a discussion with the director of special education regarding having a para on the van. He had one last year at his main stream school for the bus and I felt he would benefit from it this year. He was denied one the end of last year and that was an epic fail. Well, lo and behold ...

The theme for this month at NaBloPoMo is Big. I realize that today is April Fool's Day and I couldn't give two shits about that. Staying true to this month's theme: Yesterday? One large, overflowing, pungent, BIG piece of shit. No exaggeration people. BIG PIECE OF SHIT day. Wanna know why? Of course you do! How could you not with that enticing intro right? Here's how yesterday made it to that glorious state: I got approximately 2 hours of sleep. Not in any consecutive form either. There's a teething baby. All sorts of awesome there. The boy got on the bus just fine. I was feeding the girls breakfast (my two girls and my 2 year old niece ). The school called. You can see where this is going yes? My seven year old boy was suspended. Again. For the third time. This time it's for three days. There goes the week. Worse? It's his last week at this school. He'll be starting his new school next week. I'll post more on that later. I went to his school, had a...

I have found that explaining my son's behavior is tedious. I don't like to do it. It makes me feel like a failure at this parenting gig (and damn! ya'll know how hard it is already and then you throw Aspergers in there? Shit). Sometimes I make jokes about his behavior, a defense mechanism when I get dirty looks or when I am near my breaking point in public. Sometimes I feel such a deep sorrow for him. He's the one that gets the looks, he's the one that people whisper about as he walks away (and believe me people, I've seen it). I've said it before and I'll say it again, he's lucky that he doesn't get it. He's lucky in that he doesn't realize that the teenagers he was just "hanging out with for a minute because they are cool" are now laughing at him. Kills me , he is spared. He had a school concert a couple weeks ago. He couldn't make up his mind if he was going to do this or not. I would say he changed his mind a good dozen ...

So the boy has had a rough week. On Monday he physically moved a child out of a seat so that he could have it. On Thursday he attempted to twist his teacher's arms behind her back because it was time to leave the library. (Side note, glad he loves the library, shitty that he has to act out his way) Today they were all walking to their specials and two classmates weren't walking in a straight line, per the rule and he felt the need to go tell them. Then he pushed and kicked them to get in line. I'm not going to lie people, I cried when I heard this news.Finally, this afternoon he missed the bus because he didn't want to stop coloring and had a meltdown in the hallway. When I got to the school to pick him up, his paras were holding him in the hallway because he had been kicking and screaming. I know his medication hasn't really taken effect yet but I hope it does soon. I haven't updated ya'll on that, have I? (just checked, that's a no) So, to recap: He wa...

Today the boy has an appointment with his behavior specialist. I'm not even sure what to call her. We see her twice a year and she monitors how his medications are helping him with daily routines. It's good timing because lately? This sweet boy of ours has become aggressive. He hit a boy at school last week because he wouldn't stop filling a hole the boy was digging. He said he asked the other child to stop and when he didn't, he hit him in the stomach. Talk about making mama feel like she had been hit in the stomach. It made me so sad to hear he resorted to that. He's been hitting a lot more at home. Sure some of it is the natural brother versus sister hitting but sometimes it gets really out of control. When I was at work the other night, he got so mad at his father that he threw a pill bottle at him and hit him in the head with it. When that didn't illicit whatever response he was looking for, he picked up one of the plastic balls (like from the ball pits t...

Dearest 6yr Old Boy Of Mine, I know you come by it honestly. Really. I know I talk a lot. And I realize that's an understatement of damn near biblical epic proportions. I get that from Papa. He gets that from Gramma Lulu. So on and so forth (back forth?) I am also aware that mostly it's the Aspergers, the ODD, the other crap that came with your AD diagnosis. That being said..... Holy hell child, please stop talking so much when it's time to go to bed. I know people will get on my case saying that's what kids do, they procrastinate, they do all in their powers to derail that nighttime train of zzzz's. Seriously though? These people have never spent an hour with you trying to get you to just lay down. Just. lay. down. already. I know you have "big news" as you put it and I'm so happy that you want to share that news with Daddy and I. It's just that, well, we've heard the same "big news" all evening and well into this ritual that we g...

So here I am, on a Saturday morning. At 7am. I've been up since 6. The children are both sleeping with no signs of waking up soon. I could sleep in if I wanted. There's nothing going on today that requires my getting up now. So why the hell am I awake? I have a couple ideas. I had a dream that Tommy Lee wanted to sleep with me. Where sleep with me = ravage me from head to toe and make me start smoking again. Rawr! Back in the day, when I was infatuated with naughty, dirty boys, I would have woken up from that saying "What the hell? Please Lord let me fall back into that dream!" These days? :::shiver::: No thank you Tommy, your boy has been in far too many ports of pleasure for me. Ish. He also asked me who I wanted to sleep with more than anyone else in this whole entire world (because he needs to know these things I guess) and before I could answer him, he said Kate Winslet was his dream lay. Um, ok then. Carry on Tommy Boy, carry on. I don't recall having this ...

In my sad, sad attempt to blog everyday (I knew I shouldn't have said it out loud or on screen, damn), I have already missed a day. You know what though? It's not a big deal. Sunday was a rough day for the boy. There are times when you just have to throw in the towel and say Uncle. I know how lucky I am to have my boy. To be his mom. To have him in my life. I wouldn't trade him in for an "average" child any day. He makes me laugh. He makes me think about things from a completely different perspective than a "normal" person. He makes me cry. He drives me nuts with the incessant question about this, that and anything and everything . Sunday was an Uncle day. He was so sick with that damn rotovirus that he would throw up his medication. There is no generic for one of his meds and of course, that's the one he would toss back up (not his fault). We made the decision that while he was sick, he wouldn't take that medicine. I don't know about ya'...

I'm sure he's wondering who the hell this bitch is that took over his wife's body because holy hell, am I in full on bitch mode. Not at him mind you. Just at life. So the boy is on the new med, Concerta . We decided to up the Melatonin to half a tablet instead of a quarter because the Concerta has him all jacked up until after 10pm. Yeah, I can't have that. Holy shit it took me, literally, a full two minutes to type that sentence. It's like I have forgotten how to use my goddamn fingers. WTF ? Now I'm crying. Someone who has had at least three kids, please tell me that this is normal. That all thrice preggo women go through this. I know it's most likely the stress of the boy and trying new things to control his outbursts and shit but holy hell . I would punch myself in the face if I ran into myself. How the hell am I going to handle three of them?? I'm gonna eff them up aren't I? I can't keep my emotions bottled up, shit, that'll kill me. ...

The boy had an appt today with his behaviour specialist doctor person. I forgot about asking for the day off. Whoops. Good thing Daddy was going to the appt too. I picked the boy up from school and dropped him off at Daddy's work. I think this is the way it should go from now on with these particular appts. Here's my theory: I haven't been all that impressed with the center that he goes to for his evals and appts. He's been seen 3 times in 15 months and has been on two meds in the last 3 months. I've called them asking for actual phone numbers and names of people that can help us. Resources, programs, assistance. I got all of zero people to call me back. My mama bear comes out with my son. Sure, a lot of the time I feel like a failure to him as a mom but that's largely in part to us feeling overwhelmed. (When he was diagnosed in Nov of 07 with Aspergers*, there were a couple suggestions but nothing tangible that we could come home and say ok, let's do this. ...

I've turned into one of them. One of those moms that spouted off saying her kid was never going to play video games until he was at least 11 or 12. I mean XBox or the PS. Oh how I regret those words. This kid would play the Wii or Gameboy all day if I let him. I think that's the key though. We don't let him. The time that he spends on the games is limited (as best we can with an ODD kid) and he only plays kid friendly ones. He knows that T games are a no no and that he can only play E games. He isn't even tempted to try the T games. It's one of the blessings that come with Aspergers. He picks up on certain rules and will follow them to the letter and call YOU out if you break said rule. The thing is though, I don't feel too bad about him playing the games. It keeps him occupied and more importantly, it keeps him quiet. Yeah, yeah, sounds like it's a babysitter. That's not how we see it. He's learning patience, practice, hand-eye coordination, sharin...

I am so sick and tired of Mario and Luigi. I know they are just characters but oh. my. god. Because of the boy's Aspergers, he develops obsessions. And when I say obsession, I do not lie. We have about 50 things that have Spiderman on them. Not little rinky dink things like action figures. I mean a little kids cushiony chair, 4 blankets, video games, you name it, we have it. Then it turned to Ben 10 . He has a couple of the watches, a ton of aliens that glow on the one watch. I've decided to ignore the toy aisle that has that stuff on it. We thought we were going to have this one for awhile but no. The boy has been playing Super Mario Bros. and Super Mario Bros. 3 on the Wii for months. He's seen the tv show. He's known about them for quite sometime now. All of a sudden he decided he loves Mario. He hums the song. Plays the game online. On the Wii. He dresses as Mario. I'll get a picture soon. Ben 10 has lost his spot in the boy's heart. It's really rather s...

Yesterday I had a meeting with all of the school officials that are helping determine the best path to take with the boy and his Aspergers. It was a long meeting, a lot of information to take in and in the end, so worth it. There were many ideas tossed around, books recommended (one of which we have already, yay us!) and the notification that, officially, he qualifies for school district programs for Autism Spectrum Disorder students What that means is that my boy will be getting some of the best help from this panel of educators. Next week we meet for an IEP meeting with his teacher to lay out a plan specific to him. Right before the winter break this year, it will be reviewed and new one written up for him. I also found out that we don't have to pay for the last 3 months of preschool. When he qualified for these programs through the school district, it meant his preschool tuition was absorbed by the district. I'm not sure how that all works but really, I'm not complaining...

Last year I petered out not even halfway through the month. It's harder than one thinks to blog everyday. I mean I know talk a lot but when it comes to putting something in writing, that's more difficult that I ever thought it would be. I try no to be mundane and do a wussy post (such as yesterdays). A lot of times it's my son that's on my mind and really, I don't know that ya'll wanna hear me complain ad nauseum about how we're losing our grip on sanity. How we have no idea where to begin with treatment for him. Who do we call first? What methods will be most productive and positive for him. See? Not so much fun there. I did read on a gossip blog that Britney Spears is pregnant again but the same source that told them that also said later that it was false. Whew. Useless info, I know but in my world? Meaty stuff. Have I mentioned that I'm addicted to the Wii? I think so. I should have taken a nap when the boy was at school because my MIL took the girl w...

The last two days have been so grueling. Worth it but so grueling. For the boy and his mama. Yesterday, the boy had his psychiatrist appt in the morning then his medical exam in the afternoon. Today was speech and language in the morning then the parents only conference this afternoon. To say it has been a trying time would be a gross understatement. As we sat there listening to the doctors, it occurred to me that I have blinders on regarding my son. Some of the things they were talking about clicked with me as in, holy crap, they're right, he does do that, he is acting that way, that is his train of thought. Our son was diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder. I'm too overwhelmed right now with information that I haven't even had time to process a lot of it. I do have a list of books that I want to look at and get. We have some recommendations. Hopefully all of this will help us to help him. I know it's not the end of the world. I know there are children out there wo...