Overflowing Pride

I have found that explaining my son's behavior is tedious. I don't like to do it. It makes me feel like a failure at this parenting gig (and damn! ya'll know how hard it is already and then you throw Aspergers in there? Shit). Sometimes I make jokes about his behavior, a defense mechanism when I get dirty looks or when I am near my breaking point in public. Sometimes I feel such a deep sorrow for him. He's the one that gets the looks, he's the one that people whisper about as he walks away (and believe me people, I've seen it). I've said it before and I'll say it again, he's lucky that he doesn't get it. He's lucky in that he doesn't realize that the teenagers he was just "hanging out with for a minute because they are cool" are now laughing at him. Kills me, he is spared.

He had a school concert a couple weeks ago. He couldn't make up his mind if he was going to do this or not. I would say he changed his mind a good dozen times. I think I'm being conservative there. We didn't know until the kids walked onto the stage if he would do it or not and huzzah! he did it! His teacher stood off to the side to support him if he needed it. They worked out a thumbs down signal for when he is overstimulated. These videos show, a little bit, what my boy is like. He loves music, he loves singing, he actually sang one song and did the movements. I'm posting two videos from that night (if you got sick watching Blair Witch, take some dramamine - I don't own a tripod and I was crying). He's in the first row, on the end at the right, in the red Mario Bros shirt (shocking right?) and his fancy track pants (I never even thought to dress him up all Sunday church nice, damn some of those kids were dressed to the nines. Mom = Fail).

First up is the video of him singing and "dancing". I think it's so damn cute.

The second one shows him knowing when it's too much. The microphones were too loud for him, this is what happens when too many people are talking at once. If he doesn't cover his ears, he'll talk over everyone and we really don't want that because he can get pretty damn loud. I love his teacher, she really gets him and knows how to calm him. I know she cares about him so much.

And Blogger hates me. I'll try it later for the second one.

(I was wondering what was going on when the one kid said "dance" and then the awkward pause, gotta love first graders)

Someday I'll figure out a way to show a typical day with him. Some days it's awesome, most days, it's full of stress and opposition out the wazoo (it doesn't feel good out the wazoo ya know?) Anyway, I hope this gives you guys a teeny idea of him. He's a good kid. A great kid. My kid. He's all sorts of awesome.