Wait...What?

So the other night the husband and I are talking. Well, I was talking as I am prone to do. A lot. For whatever reason, I was wondering what actor or actress, alive today, would he want to spend the day with, just hanging out, have a couple beers maybe, talk about stuff. My first choice is Christian Bale though I know for a fact I would lose my shit in front of him and have to excuse myself to change my underwear. Just saying. Kevin Smith, while hot in his own right ( rawwr !) would make me have to change my underwear because of laughing too much and we all know how I like to laugh a lot and pee through underwear and pants. I should bring an extra change of clothes. If he brought Jason Mewes ? Shit, I would be rendered speechless and an indescribable puddle of various body fluids. Perhaps the husband should look into this. Again, just saying. So, I volley the question to the husband. What actor or actress would you want to hang out with for a day. He thinks on this for a couple minutes...

Are my awesomely fantastic MIL and I the only two people in this world who are skeeved out by Adam Lambert ? His ish factor is so high. I just can't listen to him sing anymore. Just can. not. do. it. I don't know what it is about him but gah, he drives me nuts (and not in the good way). Now Kris ? Oh I like me some Kris indeed. You know, I can kind of deal with the whole Dora as a tween doll . This ? I can't handle. And I love the song (well not the version here, the original of course). Who the hell thought this was a good idea to put in a commercial for the kidlets too see? It wasn't me. I don't get paid ridiculous amounts of money to make asinine decisions like that. I must be getting old. Dammit, ever since I had the first kid, I've become more responsible. Well shit, now what? Seriously, baby girl that's baking in there, you must move out of the right quadrant of my belly. You are really making me sore on that side. I feel bruised every time you move. R...

The niece, once again, has slayed me with her wit and how quick on the draw she is. Baby Girl: The snake is eating his own tail Me: Um why is he doing that? Baby Girl: (again with the duh voice the girls have mastered) It tastes like chicken! Me: (trying to recover from the laughing and almost peeing myself) Baby Girl: Is this going on your blog too? End Act Two

My MIL and 5 yr old niece were watching ice skating. The following is a true story. Baby Girl: Why is that girl skating when the boys are supposed to be playing hockey? End scene

Mama: Um why is your hair wet? Red Headed Dictator: Because I was chewing on it. M: Why were you chewing on it? RHD: (said in the duh tone closely followed by an eye roll) I was pretending it was chicken.

My favorite part is :58 into the clip. Oh dear Lord. Happy St. Patty's Day people!

So here I am, on a Saturday morning. At 7am. I've been up since 6. The children are both sleeping with no signs of waking up soon. I could sleep in if I wanted. There's nothing going on today that requires my getting up now. So why the hell am I awake? I have a couple ideas. I had a dream that Tommy Lee wanted to sleep with me. Where sleep with me = ravage me from head to toe and make me start smoking again. Rawr! Back in the day, when I was infatuated with naughty, dirty boys, I would have woken up from that saying "What the hell? Please Lord let me fall back into that dream!" These days? :::shiver::: No thank you Tommy, your boy has been in far too many ports of pleasure for me. Ish. He also asked me who I wanted to sleep with more than anyone else in this whole entire world (because he needs to know these things I guess) and before I could answer him, he said Kate Winslet was his dream lay. Um, ok then. Carry on Tommy Boy, carry on. I don't recall having this ...

Scary how the boyfriends are laying. Divine intervention diddn't help them get larger. 600% was asking a little too much. He needs some lotion. Exfoliation. I'm not sure. That can't be comfortable. A St. Ives facial mask will help that out. I use the peach, so can you.

I like all of his qualities. The husband has all of those. I don't need to water him though. Whew. Three years and up hey? Good to know that Peanut and Baby Girl can grow a man. So many things are wrong here. I'll let you pick your favorite. These are the fellas two hours later. I don't see any growth. Me thinks they may need Viagra.

This entire article is rather interesting. It's the last sentence that gets me though. And I ask....why would you teach a monkey to do the last thing? WHY? Travis was hitting the bottle. That has to be it. They tried an intervention and he lost his monkey lovin' mind. They tried to talk him down, take the bottle away and he was having no part of that thank you very much. Don't eff with a monkey's booze man. He'll jack you up.

So, we've all heard about the woman who had octuplets yes? I'm not that good at math, this we all know but! I know that means 8. That's seven more than my uterus has seen at any given time. Eight. Good golly miss molly. She has 6 other kids. Ages 2-7, a set of twins in there. Holy shnikey. There are so many things that jump out here. Let's recap shall we? 14 children seven and under. Hello? Sanity? There's no mention of a husband or significant other. Um ok. That's odd. She declared bankruptcy last year and abandoned her two (2!) houses that she owns owned. She worked at a fertility clinic and was implanted at a fertility clinic - no mention on if it's the same clinic. Why in holy hell would a physician implant that many embryos into a woman who has six (6!) children? One or two, ok. Eight? Um no. The grandfather says that they have a much larger house that no one will be able to locate. Danger Will Robinson, Danger! Said grandfather is also going home...

The boy just showed me his pretzel that he was eating. I asked what was on top of it. It was a chewed up pretzel. I asked why. "Because I needed dip!!" ---------------------------------------- "Mommy, you're kooky!" "I know I am, where do you think you got it from?" "Chicago!"

Two things I hope to never hear leave my mouth again: "Get that playdoh out of your pullup this instant! I don't care if you are holding it for later. It smells like ass now. Go throw it away. DON'T SMELL IT!" - that lovely little charm was from yesterday "You do NOT put Lucky Charms marshmallows under your penis! You can NOT hide them there! Go Purell your hands." - that was from 10 minutes ago Welcome to Casa de la Look Busy. Stay awhile ok?

Take one, from last night Take two, from this morning. Talk amongst yourselves. Discuss. I'm going to work.

I love that this woman's children honored her wish . I was told several times in the last two days that I'm beautiful, crazy, cute, have a stinky butt and am really good at this part of Super Mario Brothers on the Wii (and you have to say that whole thing, that's the title of the game). I'd like to say the husband told me the nice things there but I think we all know which ones told me them all. My favorite story about Dar: Young man comes up to the service desk with a pack of condoms. Asks for a pack of smokes. Dar asks for his ID. He looks at her weird. She says (in all of her nonchalant- ness ) "Honey, I don't care if you're having sex, I just want to make sure you're old enough for the cigarettes." Poor kid was probably mortified but I can totally picture her saying this. I can hear her voice right now and see the smile on her face. Priceless. One of the guys described her perfectly. She would get a crabby butt customer, big ole ' jerk. Sh...

My sister in law, Fluffy, is due this Thursday to have her first baby. Sweet Baby G could have been born this past weekend and Fluffy would have been deliriously happy. No, she's holding out, wants to stay in the warm, dark place I guess. I told Fluffy to watch out, it's a leap year. That'll be fun all through life hey? I get to be in the delivery room with her and I can't tell you how excited I am about that. I don't have siblings and I imagine that even if I had a younger sister, I wouldn't love her as much as I love Fluffy. She's a great kid, er woman I mean!!! I am so happy for her and for Bigs . He's taking good care of her, making sure she rests and whatnot. I'll keep my 5 4 readers up to date (Mandy's computer died so she doesn't count anymore). Went to a meeting tonight about sensory processing and how it effects the child. I was under the impression that it was an informational meeting. Help for parents who need it, resources, othe...

This, my friends, is what happens when you just can't stop laughing. (Don't look at me like that. We've all tinkled some when laughing. OK , this is beyond tinkling but still, you get my drift)

Well, thank God someone got the balls to do something about this. I told ya'll about this awhile ago. I'm glad they were able to get rid of her. Bah!

When I read "Wife Says No Beer, Hubby Replies By Shooting Goats" it just had to be Wisconsin. WAUPACA, Wis — A man who was upset with his wife for not buying beer took vengeance by shooting one of the family's two pet goats, prosecutors say. Peter W. Mischler, 48, was charged this week in Circuit Court with mistreatment of animals, possession of a firearm while intoxicated and disorderly conduct with a dangerous weapon. The complaint said Mischler came home Saturday from hunting and became angry with his 22-year-old daughter for letting the goats out and making a mess. While she was talking on the phone to her mother, authorities said, he told her to tell his wife to bring home some beer, but his wife refused. He then threatened to shoot the goats, according to the complaint. After his wife arrived home, she and the daughter heard four gunshots and went outside and found one of the two goats with its entrails hanging out, authorities said. They said that goat had to be ki...

I am getting ready to leave my house. I'm heading for the portal of hell. I'm fully prepared to say, "Sorry, we're out of fresh turkeys. Well, you should have come to get it before Turkey Eve." I'll just have to make sure I don't cut, smack, trip or punch anyone. Holy Mary, full of grace yada yada yada