Wait...What?

...when they die, they don't have the courtesy of going outside to die  therefore they stink up my house. The dead animal smelling up the joint this past spring was found. I'll be sure to tell Simon and Theadore that it was a quick death though I'm sure they'll see right through my thinly veiled lies. Perhaps they'll chew off my nose in the middle of the night. Hopefully they'll wait until I'm congested so as to get extra fiber. Does snot have fiber?* I don't know why no one else in this house can smell the dead animal because the odor is all up in my nasal cavity and really, ya'll, it's not gardenias and vanilla. The chipmunk was found (well, I imagine what was left of him was found - ish)  in the heating duct going to the main living room. This one is hitting the upstairs. Where the baby sleeps. Where I sleep. Where the 14 year old 5 year old sleeps when she feels the compulsive need to steal 2/3 of a bed and 87% of my blankets. Heat rises ...

The Boy holding a crawfish. ::::shiver:::: Holding a green worm. Blech. What a boy he is!! I love it though because usually he's all SCREAMING LIKE A GIRL when a FLY flies near him. Thanks to the boys at the gas station for entertaining him and letting him  investigate the minnows up close. 

I'm pretty sure one can. Here's what I've had to eat today: 2 eggs and 4 pieces of bread a double cheeseburger and fries from Burger King the equivilant of 4 small bowls of popcorn an asian beetle a whole pint of Dulce de Leche w/Caramel ice cream Yeah, I don't feel so good and I have to get up at 7 for work. Blah.

So here I am, on a Saturday morning. At 7am. I've been up since 6. The children are both sleeping with no signs of waking up soon. I could sleep in if I wanted. There's nothing going on today that requires my getting up now. So why the hell am I awake? I have a couple ideas. I had a dream that Tommy Lee wanted to sleep with me. Where sleep with me = ravage me from head to toe and make me start smoking again. Rawr! Back in the day, when I was infatuated with naughty, dirty boys, I would have woken up from that saying "What the hell? Please Lord let me fall back into that dream!" These days? :::shiver::: No thank you Tommy, your boy has been in far too many ports of pleasure for me. Ish. He also asked me who I wanted to sleep with more than anyone else in this whole entire world (because he needs to know these things I guess) and before I could answer him, he said Kate Winslet was his dream lay. Um, ok then. Carry on Tommy Boy, carry on. I don't recall having this ...

Things were looking up around here. We thought the front door/back door issues were under control. Sadly, we were mistaken. The boy has had issues in the backend for 4 days now. I'm so worried about dehydration. Pedialyte popsicles, here we come. The girl? She had both ends going. Gah! My father in law is sorta kinda feeling better. I'm sorta kinda gettin' there. The husband is doing ok he says (whew) and my mother in law says she feels queasy but it's probably 'cause of the ish factor in the house right now. Amen to that . Ever have the kind of gas that doesn't stink or make noise? The kind that you almost sigh in relief when it's released because oh. my. god. all of that was in my body and I didn't explode? I did and it was glorious. I don't mind when people I know, people I like, tell me that I'm getting so big. When a jerk off customer says it after being a douche to me? Cause he realizes I'm pregnant and maybe he shouldn't have bee...

This child of mine that's baking? She better be the picture of health for the first five years of her life. So far, while she's been baking, I've had mono, cmv , a virus, a broken toe, strep and now, another virus. Really? This sucks. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow so that I can give ya'll a post with more depth because the only depth I have right now is how deep my lunch was before it made another appearance.

My precious boy looks like him (minus a couple teeth) but was doing this for the last few days.

Goodbye 2008.... You can keep all the bad things you brought to us. We'll take only the good now, thank you. You can also keep the puke and diarrhea my son shared with us as the new year rolled in. That was great. No, really, you keep it. It's ok. Just wanted to drop you that note. I'm going back to my Bourne trilogy evening with my husband. Hello 2009.... Don't be 2008 Smooches, The Broad

The boy just showed me his pretzel that he was eating. I asked what was on top of it. It was a chewed up pretzel. I asked why. "Because I needed dip!!" ---------------------------------------- "Mommy, you're kooky!" "I know I am, where do you think you got it from?" "Chicago!"

Oh I had such a good post in mind for today. It was going to be funny, produce images that you never thought you would have in your brain, it was going to be a doozy. Then Mother Nature and Murphy got together and kicked my ass. I woke up not able to breathe one iota through either nostril. I sounded like Barry White and my son asked what happened to my hair. It was standing out to one side and standing up on the other side. I guess I slept in the same position for quite some time last night and didn't budge. I was scheduled to work 6-10 tonight as the CSM (running the front end). You're supposed to call in at least 4 hours before your shift if you aren't going to make it. I called my boss at 9. In the morning. Nine hours before I had to be there. She called me back to see if Mandy might work for me so I called Mandy and she couldn't do it. Oh well. I never call in sick. I leave early when the chance arrives because I who wouldn't want to leave early. AND I never le...

Apparantly, when we are outside, Peanut is more than willing to hold one of these: However, it is not acceptable for one to crawl all over Murray*: *I would have posted a photo of the freakout but the girl would not sit still long enough for me to get a shot. She was not happy. My mother in law is not going to like this pic: This loverly fella was hanging from the basement ceiling and almost smacked me in the face. :::shiver:::