Now Listen Here.....

I love football, not as much as Sarah (really, I defy you to find ten men who love the game as she does) but I would never (and I'd like to think Sarah would never) do this. That was one screwed up sentence. Sorry bout that.

I had to work last Sunday when the game was on and we had a buttload of people over. Apparantly, whilst the adult beverage consumption was commencing, Monkey Boy made the ridiculous loss of the Vikings bearable. Everyone was clinking glasses, toasting, who knows what the hell they were doing. Monkey Boy walks up to them, holds up his glass and says, "Bring it. Like the beer." Seriously, whose kid is this? If he isn't oozing DNA from my dad and grandfather then my husband is hiding the crazies in his family. He is so my child. Scariest shit sometimes.

How many times do I have to say any of the following to my son before it sinks into his head?

• While the "Movin' Out" Opi nailpolish looks fab on you, it's not really for boys. Just look at Jared Leto. What. The. Frick? Scary dude. Where is this Jared Editor's Note: This link has been deleted. See comment section. I was not aware that I was stealing bandwidth. I apologize for that. I double check my links before posting them and it was to a photo. I'm sorry that I was apparantly wrong. Please be assured that I will no longer be sending my readers to your site. Good day. Huh? HUH?!
• You can use the purse that belongs to your sister but you may not fill it with Mommy's tampons.
• I'm glad you like fine jewelry but really, Mommy's wedding ring? No, you can't pretend to drop it down the drain ala Stuart Little 2 and say you're going to get it. Mommy loves this ring and it was waaaaay too expensive to be playing over the drain with it.