Wait...What?

I actually posted every day this month. Miracles. They are real people. Tonight is a date night for the husband and I. Should be a good time. I'm rocking a killer migraine right now so my last NaBloPoMo post is gonna be a teeny one. Here, enjoy these photos: Here's the boy from a couple days ago. He's going to be 5 in four weeks. FIVE people. This is one of my all time favorite photos. It was not an intended pose. He was crying and I turned him onto his tummy and he looked up grinning from ear to ear. I love it. Here he is with my sister in law in the same photo shoot. Their hair seems to blend together. My husband's baby sister is having her own baby in three months. I know I've told you that already but still, I wanna hear it.................Awwwwww. Thanks. Good Internet.

I love my 'Boys .* Next year my son will be joining the class of 2021. That will be 30 years after I've graduated. Yeah, that looking like a teenager thing isn't sounding so bad right now. First major S-N-O-W storm is supposed to be coming on Saturday. That's right, I spelled it out. It's a bad four letter word. Other "spell only" words are chocolate, Yo Gabba Gabba, Wii, Boxing and School. The boy broke my heart as I was leaving preschool today. He didn't want me to leave (always) and I don't know how to help him with the transition. Well, any transition that goes smoothly is a huge win in my book (a book that is chock full of sad, pathetic losses my friends). His teachers told me to just go and they would handle him. I was crying when I left. I hate when I do that. The other moms are looking at me or even worse, some are looking at him and you see on their faces what they are thinking. Kinda hard to hide that look of disgust lady. Them looking at

Last year I petered out not even halfway through the month. It's harder than one thinks to blog everyday. I mean I know talk a lot but when it comes to putting something in writing, that's more difficult that I ever thought it would be. I try no to be mundane and do a wussy post (such as yesterdays). A lot of times it's my son that's on my mind and really, I don't know that ya'll wanna hear me complain ad nauseum about how we're losing our grip on sanity. How we have no idea where to begin with treatment for him. Who do we call first? What methods will be most productive and positive for him. See? Not so much fun there. I did read on a gossip blog that Britney Spears is pregnant again but the same source that told them that also said later that it was false. Whew. Useless info, I know but in my world? Meaty stuff. Have I mentioned that I'm addicted to the Wii? I think so. I should have taken a nap when the boy was at school because my MIL took the girl w

I was saddened to read this report and yet almost everyone I know would say, "Who?" I listen to Metal Health when I'm at the gym. Makes sense to me. RIP Kevin.

I'm considered old by the kids at my store. I used to take offense at it but when I think about it, I suppose I am in some ways. I always tell them that in some bad neighborhoods, I'm old enough to be their mom. For real ya'll . In eighth grade, one of my classmates had a baby. You read that right. Her kid can go out drinking with her now. I still marvel at that. I can barely contain my almost 5 year old boy and she can go paint the town with her kid. Yikes. Then there's the music. I like to think I'm hip to what the kids are listening to these days. However, having said "hip to what the kids listen to" kind of negates that whole theory. I ask them what they consider classic rock. They come back with Metallica . That's after thinking for quite sometime on it. I almost passed out when a kid at my old store said people like Duran Duran and Poison . Good music yes, but not classic rock. Am I mistaken or would Led Zepplin , The Rolling Stones , etc, fal

Seems that I like the Wii. A lot. I bowled so much yesterday. The husband and I went out last night and shot darts for a couple hours. Then today, my sister in law and her husband came over. We bowled more. I played baseball. I'm so unAmerican because I can't stand baseball. Too boring for me. I like it on the Wii though. Apparently I'm good at throwing fast pitches. I'm also good at making my shoulder feel like it wants to leave my body. "Great, we spend all that money on a Wii and now we'll have medical bills from The Broad bowling. Fabulous." My poor husband. Also, I think I'm missing the page in my son's operating manual that talks about stinky toots (are they toots when talking about a boy or are they farts? Gah!) when he hasn't eaten anything to make him gassy or the gas stinky. What. The. Hell. The kid stinks people. Very much bad.

We got one ! We got one ! I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. I bowled for awhile today. The boy and I played golf. The girl kept telling us we were doing a great job. I told my MIL that if she hears someone moving around in the middle of the night, it's me playing. The husband said it better not be. I think he's afraid I'll get lost in it while playing. Could happen. Won't know until we try right? and Kota? The golf game is fun, even for a non golfer such as moi.

"If we squeeze our testicles all day, does it hurt?" "Mama, will you make my bagina stop hurting?" These and others like them are the questions I am faced with on a daily basis.

Stupid stupid me. I wait until now to decide that I want a Nintendo Wii. I wait until now to ask the husband if we can get one and he says yes. Do you think that I can find one anywhere? Of course not, that would make too much sense. We can't have that in Casa de la Crazy. I am in desperate need for one. I need to go bowling. Do you people get this? I NEED it. Help a sister out. I don't think the husband would like it if we spent more than $300 on the system. Gah. On the upside, the husband's gift came in and since we are impatient people in Casa de la Crazy, I gave it to him already. I'm too lazy to link to pictures so I'll just keep typing about it. I got him the newest iPod Nano. Ha! I typed Nana. Anywhoo, there was free engraving so I got one saying You Rock Daddy! We love you! I forgot to turn the auto update off on the iTunes so now he has all my music on his iPod. That means entire albums of Blue's Clues, Laurie Berkner and Doodlebops. Yeah, he's not

When I read "Wife Says No Beer, Hubby Replies By Shooting Goats" it just had to be Wisconsin. WAUPACA, Wis — A man who was upset with his wife for not buying beer took vengeance by shooting one of the family's two pet goats, prosecutors say. Peter W. Mischler, 48, was charged this week in Circuit Court with mistreatment of animals, possession of a firearm while intoxicated and disorderly conduct with a dangerous weapon. The complaint said Mischler came home Saturday from hunting and became angry with his 22-year-old daughter for letting the goats out and making a mess. While she was talking on the phone to her mother, authorities said, he told her to tell his wife to bring home some beer, but his wife refused. He then threatened to shoot the goats, according to the complaint. After his wife arrived home, she and the daughter heard four gunshots and went outside and found one of the two goats with its entrails hanging out, authorities said. They said that goat had to be ki

I am getting ready to leave my house. I'm heading for the portal of hell. I'm fully prepared to say, "Sorry, we're out of fresh turkeys. Well, you should have come to get it before Turkey Eve." I'll just have to make sure I don't cut, smack, trip or punch anyone. Holy Mary, full of grace yada yada yada

I got a call this morning from the owner of the McDonald's that we were at yesterday. She was very apologetic but it kinda came across in a condescending way. Maybe I'm just being a bitch about the whole thing and don't want to let it go. I'm still seething over it. She said the manager was fixing it this morning. I asked her if the Playland was closed after we left until it was fixed. She said she's never in there so she isn't sure and she didn't ask the manager when she spoke to him. Really? Wow. I'll check on it tomorrow. I work until 1230 tomorrow night. That should be fun. Everyone says it's going to be super busy but I just can't see that. What I can see is a lot of people coming to the store on Thursday thinking we'll be open. I almost want to drive over there, sit in my car and count how many people go to the door and say, "Damn my wife is gonna kill me". Oh that would be fun. The boy's parent teacher conference went wel

And it's not really working. We were supposed to go workout today but the boy decided he wasn't getting dressed. Mandy and I hung out for a bit then decided we needed to eat and get out of the house. Evil McDonald's, here we come. Evil indeed. As we're getting ready to leave Playland, I notice that the kids are being rather quiet. I take the chance and go to the bathroom. I hear Mandy telling the kids to get down. Don't go near the edge. Get away from there! Things you don't really want to hear while you're in the bathroom and your children are not. I hurry up to investigate. What do I find? The children climbing on the Playland. On the top of Playland. Outside of the netting that keeps them contained in Playland. I immediately got my phone, clamored up there (no easy feat for any parent esp one with a bad back) and took photos of the hole and of how close to the edge they were. I came down, got the kids down and went to find the manager. Now listen, I am

Snow Work at the same time. I am not diggin' that Mother Nature. Big fat chunky flakes came down whilst I was slaving away at my glorious job. I said as long as it doesn't stick and it stops by 10pm, it can snow all it wants. Apparently I've got some good Karma today. It stopped about 20 minutes later. Whew, dodged the bullet on that one. I don't mind the snow, it's the bitter cold I can't stand. I don't like driving in the snow but I've been known to do it a time or two. I lived on the lakefront in northern Illinois for 7 years plus 12 years in Wisconsin and 2 now in Minnesota. I oughta be used to it by now but no, I'm not. I don't think I ever will be. Wanna know why? I lived in Tucson, AZ for two fabulous, hot, 110 degree weather, sunshine filled years. I was ruined for all time. I was spoiled by the dry heat. I soaked it in. I relished it. Then I met a stupid boy from WI and left my sanctuary and moved to Madison in the middle of a snowstorm.

The boy was arguing with the Captain. Back and forth, back and forth. Endless really. No hope for a win in the parenting department. Especially after this proclamation from our son: (hands on his hips, eyes filled with tears) "Damn it all you little shit! I will beat your ass!" I would like to quickly state for the record that I have never uttered that sentence (verbatim) and neither has my husband. However, he has been called a little shit (mostly under our breath, or so we thought) and he has heard us say damn it all. I think I've only said I'd beat him once, maybe twice and it would be into next week. Now that I've gone all defensive and I feel better, I can laugh at this whole thing. Again. I think it's time we put a stop to his movies. Time for all Wiggles, all the time. Yay. Can you sense the joyous tone of my voice? Me either.

Evidence that I need.....something to happen. Allow me: There are always at least 2 cans of pop (soda for the non Midwesterners). I always forget that I have one that's not quite done. Those are about 850 address labels on the top shelf. I doubt I'll use all of the Olympic ones they were so nice enough to send. Thanks! That stack of books hasn't been touched in a month except to add three more to it. The book aisle at the greatest store in the world is evil and I should not be allowed to enter it. I have about 30 Kodak envelopes that are filled with, well duh, photos. In theory, they'll go into a scrapbook or two or three but in the cruel real world, they'll just go in a box and hang out with the others. I'm constantly unplugging something in the back there. The cords are running amok and it must be stopped. I think I'll print this out for the husband to look at. Yes, that's what I'll do.

After the day we had in Casa de la Crazy, it felt nice to sit down and take part in making some child's Christmas a little better. My husband's work takes part in Operation Christmas Child *. You get a shoebox and fill it with little things for a child in one of the particular age groups designated. The company pays for the shipping to send these to children who normally wouldn't have that great of a holiday. Now I'm not gonna buy a video game for the Nintendo DS or anything like that but I love doing this kind of stuff. I went to the best store in the world yesterday and went nuts. I got three shoebox size plastic totes because really? Shoe boxes that had shoes in them? Shoes that people tried on then put back in the box? No, that's not going to work. Plus, they can use them for all eternity to stash their hot wheels, barbies, whatever In one box I put all Hello Kitty stuff. A purse, lip gloss, notepad, pens. I really hope the girl who gets it likes Hello Kitty.

I totally stole this from a friend's MySpace bulletin: A VIRGIN JOKE A virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. * * * * * * * * * Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. * * * * * * * * * At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. * * * * * * * * * That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I&#

Can you believe these kids are 10 now? I just want to know where the hell that decade went. Sheesh. I don't know that I can believe a quit smoking plan that was started by a guy who shares a name with this one . I was listening to clips from Kidz Bop 398 the other day and discovered the kidlets singing a fabulous rendition of this gem . The boy was acting out a scene from Spiderman 3 the other day (shocking, I know). He went up to his dad and said "I like the new look Spiderman". Then he pretended that Spiderman webbed his camera and he threw it across the room. He looked at his father, hands gesturing and said "What the hell?". Hard to argue with that when it is the dialogue he heard. Someone asked me at work tonight if I suffer from SAD like so many of our customers appear to and I said no, I'm just a bitch. I'm all about the honesty. That's all I've got today people. The boy and I have been having a rough week. 1/2 step forward, 2 steps bac

Sometimes, my customers remind me why I like my job. The cookie dough orders for the boy's preschool fundraiser came in today and I took some to work for those that were working tonight. I was telling two of the guys in Deli that their orders were in the freezer. The one that hadn't paid yet was getting some lighthearted grief from me. I know where you work buddy, pony up the dough (ha! I'm so punny - OK I'll stop now). The other one, who calls me mom cause he wants me to adopt him (he's 18), he was helping a nice lady and she was inquiring where the cookie dough came from. I think she wanted some because the boys were excited that it was in. At any rate, I told her what it was for and that I had to scramble last minute to get orders because I forgot the forms were in my purse. For two weeks. On the night before the orders and money were due, I got about 15 orders. I work with some great people who like my kid. This customer asked how much the orders were for the gu

It's high time this crazy assed house got a new computer monitor. I'm in the middle of reading the news, poof, I'm blind. I see nothing but black. I go to blog so's I don't forget to do it before work and poof, my eyes must be closed because I got nothing. I've been talking to the Captain about getting an LCD monitor. The monitor we have now came from my dad and I'm fairly certain he got it somewhere in the late 90's. It's huge, it takes up more space than my daughter. I need, no, I want a new monitor. So I've been talking it up to the man. I have several points that I think make sense but let's face it: just because it makes sense to me doesn't mean it does to everyone else. It usually doesn't but I digress. I have this old computer desk that I've had for 7 years maybe. It's survived 4 moves and it seems to be related to the Weeble family. There's also a glass topped long table next to the rickety desk that has my paperw

I got to visit with my sister in law today and I am so happy about that. I never get to see her because I'm always working nights and weekends and she works days so yeah, it sucks. She's due to have her first child, a girl, on February 28th. I told her to be careful, it's a leap year coming. I miss not being able to visit with her and talk about her pregnancy and how she's doing. I mean emails aren't the same ya know? I'm more of a face to face kinda person (unless I don't like you, then emails are fabulous). When I was pregnant, I loved it and loved to talk about it. OK, that's a rather stupid statement. I love to talk about anything really. It's true. Ask my friends what I do the most and they'll say talk. It's a talent. I'm going to maker her a blanket so that she and the babe can snuggle together on those cold ass March nights. Yikes, Minnesota blows when it's winter. There's a joke in there somewhere but my brain can't

I work with a douche bag. I can say this with the utmost of confidence and defy anyone who knows this idiot to prove otherwise. This kid just turned 21 a few months ago. He came into work a couple months ago with two black eyes. Some guy hit him in between his eyes, thus blackening them both. It was so funny to see because as stated before, he's a douche. This was mad at him cause he (douche) was hitting on the hitter's girl? Who the hell knows. Does anyone care? Not particularly. He's a douche. A month later, he comes in and has another black eye. Unreal. Some chick punched him. God I would pay to see this stuff in person. Truly. He came in with his head shaved last week. He claims to not recall how it happened. He said he woke up that way. Big sign here buddy: STOP DRINKING. Especially around stupid ass friends who do that shit to you. Douche. The guy is so icky on so many levels. He thinks that 14 year old girls are hot. Ewww. He was obsessed, and I mean obsessed , with

Ok, don't answer that question. No, really. It's ok. Tomorrow, we're going to the MOA . With the kids. Should be fun. At least that's what I keep telling myself. My aunt is coming in from Wausau with a busload of people from work to do some holiday shopping. I'm assuming that's why they all decided to get together and ride a bus for 4 hours. She wasn't going to come if we couldn't go out to meet her and who am I to deny her? I love Baba. She's the only person besides my father that I'm related to that I can say anything to. She knows when something's wrong and always listens when I bitch. It's usually about stuff that I'd be mortified about if some people knew. That's the great thing about being so close to an aunt like her. She doesn't judge, she doesn't make me feel bad for saying the things I feel and most importantly? She doesn't tell! Bwahahaha! At any rate, I'm very excited to see her and the kids are pumped

Last night my cell phone decided that I didn't have service in my area. I couldn't access my phonebook either. Well this was going to blow. I called up the cell phone folks and they couldn't fix it over the phone. Fabulous. I had to go to the store. Well this is not going to be fun. I took the boy because I knew it would be close getting him to school on time if I was going to get this taken care of in the morning. I go to the first location (ah yes, there were two places in the mall - fun). The first place tried my SIM card in another phone and it worked so that meant it was my phone. The guy reset the settings and that didn't do anything. In order to replace my phone, that coincidentally was out of warranty, I would need to pony up $179. I don't think so people. My phone is less than a year old. I am not forking over a week's pay to get a new one. We go to the second place, in the process denying the boy a bear , ice cream and elevator rides. He wanders off a

or we'd have been at the hospital yet again. I've told the children that we've already maxed out our quota for hospital visits. Exhibit A and Exhibit B . They just don't listen. Will they ever? I don't think so. Last night the boy was playing in his room, jumping off the bed because, you know that's what Spiderman does and he lives and breathes Spidey. He jumped off and landed on a little three ring binder that was on the floor. The rings were not open, at least not until his foot hit it. Behold, the damage: He insisted that he make that face when I took the shot. I had to retake it twice on his demand. Control freak much? I put a call in to the clinic about him getting a tetnus shot. Karma? You may stop kicking my ass. Much obliged.

If any of you watch Amazing Race, you know how the drill works. For those of you that don't, follow me here: Teams of two compete against other teams in challenges and a race all over the world. At the end of each part of the trip, one team gets eliminated. If you arrive at the Pit Stop mat last, you're outta here. There were 11 teams. I read the following quote from Reality Blurred and I don't think I've laughed so hard in a long time: When Phil told Nicholas and Donald, the grandson and grandfather, that they were team number five, they both stood there and looked at Phil blankly like he’d just said, “I like spaghetti, and Play Doh is my friend.” Then Donald said, “finally,” as if they’d been waiting all their lives to check in fifth at the first pit stop. If you're a really big fan of Phil, such as I, then you can totally picture him saying the play doh line. God I love this show.

I wasn't exactly running late for work tonight but I was cutting it close. It's pitch black and cold. Ick. A shadow appeared on the road and I thought it was probably a squirrel. It'll dart back across the road when I get closer. No, the squirrels? They're smart. They hibernate. Or hide. I don't know but I haven't seen them on the road (dead or alive) in a couple weeks. It was a raccoon. Quite possibly the largest raccoon I've ever seen. I hit it. I seriously was not aiming for it, I even swerved a little bit. I never touched the brakes though and that will probably have Karma on my ass for awhile. Really though, it should have waddled back to the other side. I screamed. It was loud. Then I laughed and almost peed myself. That would've been fun trying to explain that one to my boss. I hit a deer once on the way to my Gramma's house. Actually, I maintain that the deer was very interested in the color of my dad's car and came a running to get a clo

Am I the only one who thinks back on high school and misses it a little? Don't get me wrong, it was four years of not so fun times but it had it's moments. I think about it once in a while. Last night for instance, these kids came to my register and asked for a favor. It wasn't busy and I was CSMing so I asked what the favor was. They asked if I could say something over the intercom. I said it depended what it was. They told me and I said no, I could possibly get in trouble. They asked, nay begged, for the manager and Terry came over. I explained what they needed and he was hesitant but then ok'd it since it was all in good fun. They were having a scavenger hunt of hilarious proportions. I went to page and the guy said he needed it on video. Great. He whips out the cell phone. Somewhere at Minnetonka High School people are going to watch me paging "Hemorrhoid cream is in the Pharmacy department, thank you". That my friends is why I am Employee of the Month. I

I wasn't so happy with that movie but did I tell you that I'm EOTM? It's true. I can hear the manager's meeting now: Who's up for nominations? Really? Well crap alright then, give it to her. Aww shucks. Thanks. I spent my $50 gift card already on some good books that I hope to read before Christmas of 2009. Around this same time, we got to dress up at work on Sat or Halloween Wed and since the boy and I had appoints, Wed was out. I dressed up Sat and told my husband I would be the only one in the afternoon/evening to dress up. I knew I should have laid money down on it too. Dammit. For 7 hours, I blessed my grocery store customers with this glorious sight: Yes those are curlers in my hair and yes, I wore them all day and night. Good times my friends.

My father in law brought up the idea of bunkbeds for the kids. We have a set in the garage. It would make more room in their room. I'm just not sure how I feel about it. I know the boy would love it but I worry, as usual, about him becoming airborne (on his own volition or his sister's prodding). I had a set of bunk beds when I was a kid. Sounds normal but let's think this through: I was an only child I was never allowed to have friends in the house, much less stay over The one time I was allowed to have someone over, she fell off the top bunk I was never allowed to sleep on the top bunk My question then is why the hell did I have them? I wonder about that sometimes*. I'm thinking of going along with it if the Captain agrees. I told my FIL that I wanted to post a betting pool (even though they don't bet) to see how long it would take for one or both to break a limb (their own or the other's even). Obviously we'd have to get the sidebar protection thingy so h

The last two days have been so grueling. Worth it but so grueling. For the boy and his mama. Yesterday, the boy had his psychiatrist appt in the morning then his medical exam in the afternoon. Today was speech and language in the morning then the parents only conference this afternoon. To say it has been a trying time would be a gross understatement. As we sat there listening to the doctors, it occurred to me that I have blinders on regarding my son. Some of the things they were talking about clicked with me as in, holy crap, they're right, he does do that, he is acting that way, that is his train of thought. Our son was diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder. I'm too overwhelmed right now with information that I haven't even had time to process a lot of it. I do have a list of books that I want to look at and get. We have some recommendations. Hopefully all of this will help us to help him. I know it's not the end of the world. I know there are children out there wo