Staying Ahead Of The Game

That's what my husband pretty much said when I wondered out loud how much larger I was going to get.

He's of the thinking that the belly is there going "Welp, we know how big we have to get, might as well just get there already". Doesn't really make one feel less of a beached whale though ya know? Especially since I had just eaten a burger, fries and corndog bites. Yummy. It's ok though, he made me laugh.

There must have been a memo put out to say things that make me laugh.

My son told me today, all serious and softly, that he had a rainbow in his pocket just for me. Oh and he's going to love me in my heart for 10, 450 thousand hundred days.

My niece was undressing her harem of princesses the other night. When asked why, she replied that she was checking to see if they had nipples*. Ok then. Carry on.

I have not peed myself but I feel as though it could happen any day with these yayhoos around. I'll let ya know if I do. You knew that though.

*they don't

Comments

DOODLEBOPS UNMASKED - ALL THREE

Please do not ask me to email photos out, I get entirely too many requests for them. These are the ones that I have at home, thanks to a couple of sources.

Customer Appreciation Day

Dear Crotchety Broad, While I love my job and think it's the easiest one in the world to have, I do not think dealing with your ass was easy. Here are some highlights from my fabulous time with you: When your cashier is ringing up your precious produce, putting the codes in (from memory thank you very much), don't start trash talking her. I didn't hear you ask if I needed help because, well, um, I was busy ringing your shit up. When I look up because I heard something , don't look at me and say, " HELLO??" all sarcastic and shit. I will squish your tomatos, avocados and bread. When I ask if you have coupons, that's generally a sign that I am not a mind reader, can't see in your purse and can't predict the future (contrary to what you may think dear customer). As a refresher, here's our coversation: Loverly Cashier: Did you have any coupons today ma'am? (and that ma'am part may or may not have been choked out of my throat) Crotchety Broa...

Um What?

Why does he feel the need to do this? He sleeps with his hand in his pull up. He pulls his penis out during the day to show me. Here I thought it went to Penis Playgroup. How did Peanut know, before even touching the icicle that it would be cool and warranted the face of pure happiness? Oh how she was distraught when it was taken away. I think she was really just pissed off because Monkey Boy took it and broke it into 12 pieces and that was the end of Fun With Sharp Frozen Things. *** I'm so irked at the whole T.O. thing in Dallas. I wish Jerry Jones would just stick his head further up his ass. *** When you stub your toe and the next day it looks like your 3yr old colored your foot with black, blue and purple markers, you probably broke it. *** It doesn't feel good when said 3yr old stomps on said foot during one of appx 14 meltdowns - this morning. *** Trying to rearrange a bedroom that 2 kids and an adult share while all those people are in there? Not such a good idea. *** ...

Wait...What?

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