If I Wasn't Afraid of Getting Fired

Don't be a smart ass to me in the bar. If I say I need your ID, hand it over. Yes you will screw your friend out of their shit too.

Snap at me again girl when your man comes in and you wait outside the department because "he's buying it not me - I don't have to show you mine". How many other freaking stores are there that sell liquor? WHAT? There are others?!? YES! Take your sorry ass to one of them. I don't make the rules, I enforce them. (I felt so empowered as I was typing that. Bring me a punching bag Myrtle!)

I know you're 50 and not 14. You think I don't hear enough of this shit ALL DAY LONG? No I need one more asshole before I close. Thanks.

If I say thanks and have a good night/day/one, don't stare at me blankly. I may just have to tell you to have a shitty day. I don't care.

And for the record, yes I do card the 80 and 90 year olds that come in. And no dumbass, I don't card the 6 year olds. They didn't help Poppy pick out what beer he should get. I do not (contrary to popular belief) have IDIOT in neon lights on my forehead. Tell me that you aren't going to drink what your boyfriend is getting. Watch out folks, the shit's getting deep in here.

Wow. I feel so much better. This was very cathartic. Thanks internet, you rock.
Have a shitty day everyone!

T to the Wise

Comments

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Dear Crotchety Broad, While I love my job and think it's the easiest one in the world to have, I do not think dealing with your ass was easy. Here are some highlights from my fabulous time with you: When your cashier is ringing up your precious produce, putting the codes in (from memory thank you very much), don't start trash talking her. I didn't hear you ask if I needed help because, well, um, I was busy ringing your shit up. When I look up because I heard something , don't look at me and say, " HELLO??" all sarcastic and shit. I will squish your tomatos, avocados and bread. When I ask if you have coupons, that's generally a sign that I am not a mind reader, can't see in your purse and can't predict the future (contrary to what you may think dear customer). As a refresher, here's our coversation: Loverly Cashier: Did you have any coupons today ma'am? (and that ma'am part may or may not have been choked out of my throat) Crotchety Broa...

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Wait...What?

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