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You Didn't Ask But Here's Some Advice


When you know you're going to be working a 5 hour shift at the store, standing and walking the whole damn time, don't wear knee high, 3 inch heel, 1 size too small boots. I don't care how cute they look on you, how hot the husband gets seeing them on you. Don't. Do. It. The pain? It's indescribable. If my foot was run over by the pallet jack tonight, I wouldn't have even noticed. I did come perilously close to breaking my ankle a couple times when my foot decided to go visit the other one without telling me. Damn limbs and their own minds. I thought that was just a man problem.

When wearing a long, black, itchy wig it's a good idea to have a clip of some sort or a pony holder. I was looking like Cher* for the first hour or so. I even stuck the tongue out like Jack. I was told I should sing whilst doing that but I don't believe in torturing innocent people. That and I would hear whining from the Clean Team because they would need to clean up the bleeding ears mess. I hear enough whining from my kids, no thanks.

When you finally get the chance to wear your Renaissance style dress, a dress that you purchased 5 years ago and couldn't wear until now because you've been pregnant for almost 2 of those years, a grocery store is not really the ideal place to work it girl. I stepped on it so many times tonight and damn near killed myself. I did get a lot of compliments though and it made it all worth while.

Finally, when you are living with non holiday participating in laws, take the outfit to work. Change there. This way you don't have to hide in the bedroom waiting for them to leave on their annual "We don't want to be home in case trick or treaters stop by" outing. My FIL saw my outfit and said, "Wow, you're wearing a dress to work?" All I could do was say, "Yup". I felt bad cause I don't want to make them uncomfortable. It is their house after all. At least I left the witch hat in the trunk. That would have been awkward.

So after all this trauma to my footsies, maybe I'll win the $30 (or $20 or $10) gift card at work for wearing a costume. I hear not too many day players wore one. Party poopers, yay for me!

*Might I add that I LOVE this movie and she's a big reason why. Not sure how that happened but eh, oh well. Useless info, carry on.


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