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Stupid People Should Not Be Allowed To Breathe (Or Breed For That Matter)

I have two fantabulous examples to support my proposed legislation to Congress.

Exhibit A: "I was testing out your security"
I stole a candy bar once when I was about 7 years old from the Red and White store a couple blocks from our house in South Carolina. When I got home, my father asked where I got it from and I told him (I wasn't the brightest crayon in the box sometimes). He took me to the store, had the manager called down and made me tell him what I did. My dad then told him that I had no money to pay for the candy bar so perhaps the manager could think of a way for me to pay the store back. My punishment? I had to straighten the candy section (and back in 1980, it wasn't a huge selection but to a 7 year old, it was). I was so scared of my father and being caught stealing that I never did it again. That's right, I'm a wuss. I have paranoia when it comes to doing things that violate some law where I live. Where my children got no fear is beyond me. Some woman (in her early 30's) came shopping with her mother at my store. She decided to pocket some medication that the meth makers are in favor of. And in no way am I saying she's a meth user. She could be but I am not saying that. Her mother knew what was going on. They made a great team. Oh but wait, they had Big Brother watching them. (As a side note, I love that show and cannot wait for the new season to start. Anyone know when that is? Me neither.) When our loverly customer was pulled into the security office, she started crying. Her friends steal from there. They do it all the time. She was just testing. the. security. at. our. store. If she was indeed testing it, why was she bawling like a baby? She was given a ticket and told she was not allowed in our store again. All this is happening whilst I'm slaving working at Customer Service. All of a sudden, some crazy lady sticks her head in the front door and says, "Can you page So and So since my ass isn't allowed in your stupid store" or something to that effect. I didn't really catch the name and as I was saying, "Um what was the name?" she bolted. I paged the name I heard and I'm fairly certain it wasn't the correct one. Security called me and said that was the woman they just busted. She was told "Now that you've tested our security system, you can test our legal system. Have a great night." I love when the freaks come out at night. The freaks come out at niiiiiiiiiiight. Oh, sorry I was singing there.

Exhibit B: "Kids, get in the car"
When people do stupid* things that involve innocent people, that really pisses me off. When it involves children, I almost lose my mind. Security asked me to come outside with him and I was curious as to why since it was -32 0 degrees outside and I had no coat on and what was the other thing? Oh yeah, I was running the front end of the store that night. As we're going outside, I see we're heading towards a lady and her two kids (about 4 and 5 yrs old). She's speedwalking which normally I would attribute to her ass freezing off but no, I'm a brighter crayon now. He asks for the makeup, she plays dumb, he asks again, she gives up the goods. (Not those goods) She freaks out when he tells her that yes, the police will be coming. She'll be getting a ticket for misdemeanor theft and be on her way. He informs her that some merchandise on the bottom of the cart is not on her receipt and that sometimes cashiers forget so we'll just take care of it when we go inside. She insists she paid for it. He said he was charging her with stealing makeup not Red Bull. All this time, I'm talking to her two boys who are so thrilled they have M&Ms that they are showing me every one of them as they eat them. Mom asks if she can put her groceries away and he says yes. She starts putting the other stuff in the car and he tells her no, not that stuff, we have to take back inside. Mama lost her ever loving mind. "I PAID FOR THAT SIR!" (No, no you didn't lady and hey, it's fricking freezing out here, your kids' coats are wide open, no hats on and in case you care, my ears are burning from the wind. Shut your pie hole and get yer ass inside. I wish sometimes I hated my job enough to say shit like that out loud but no, I love my job. Idiot.) All of a sudden she says, "Kids, get in the car". I backed up, wrote down the license plate number just as security was trying to apprehend her. Let me tell you something. I thought I was back in high school watching a fight. This woman put up a hell of a kicking screaming fit. I ran top speed to call 911. When I came back out, about 5 or 6 customers were saying she hit him. with. her. car. When all was said and done, she dragged him and he got scratched up some. Her coat, cell phone and some pretty sparkly bracelets were spread out over the parking lot. When the cops came, I made one request: When you charge her with hit and run, assault with a deadly weapon, theft and whatever else, please add a charge of child endangerment for not buckling those kids in. I was seething for hours days about this woman. I'm still pissed even now when thinking about it.

People think the grocery business is boring and no fun. Come to my store. There's never a dull moment. Especially when I'm running the front end. It's always a good time.

* If Monkey Boy could read he would be yelling at me " You can't say stupid! That's a naughty word Mommy! You go in the naughty spot!" Then I giggle at him and lose all credibility.


Les Becker said…
Damn, I almost miss retail when I read your blog, Trish. Almost.

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