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And So It Begins....

A new year for me. I turned 34 today and just saying that out loud scares me a little. Not the getting older per se, just.....I don't know. 34.

I know there are people out there who won't believe it 'til they see it and even some who will never believe it but, I'm quitting smoking. Today. I've been thinking of today as a goal for a few months now. This summer will have been 19 years that I've been smoking. That's crazy. Insane. There are many reasons for my decision. It should be all about my health but to be honest, it's not the primary reason. For me, it hasn't been about the addiction to nicotine. I've gone a couple days without one and haven't gone crazy. (That's what the children are here for) It's an oral fixation for me. That sounds so dirty. Anyway, I always feel the need to have one while I'm driving. I don't need one yet I feel I have to have it. I've tried the gum in the car but I'm not a gum person. No candy for me, I don't want to have the typical weight gain that comes with quitting. Exchanging one vice for another isn't my thing. Candy cigarettes? No. I have to do this cold turkey. It's going to suck. I'm going to be crabby. I have the non-supporters who say I'll fail. My number one reason for quitting is that I'm ready to. I know I have the willpower now. All of my previous attempts have been half assed. Most people who quit fail the first time, second and even third time and more. I know this could happen to me but I have the mindset to succeed. That's a huge part of it. If you don't think you can do it or be serious about it, it won't work. Obviously yes? So I start my journey today to be smoke free. I know I can do this.

Clearly there are other reasons to quit: I want to be there for my kids as they get older. An uncle of mine passed away from cancer due to smoking. The money we'd save? That reason alone is good enough for me. That gets us thismuch closer to our own house. I won't catch grief from people about how smoking is bad for you. Speaking of those people, I have something to say. We know that smoking is bad for us. This is not new information. I make no excuses for my habit. "I started as a teenager" is the lamest excuse ever. "My parents smoked so I do too."* That's another stupid one. I consciously made a dumb decision and I live with it everyday. It's not so easy to quit. It's a tough thing to get through and stick with. There are some non smokers who are very judgemental about smokers. I don't need the lectures. Really, I'm an intelligent person. I have a bad habit. I don't lecture you about your drinking. We all make bad decisions. Some of them we live with for the rest of our lives. All I'm saying is don't judge me. I do enough of that myself.

You know, I really wasn't planning on saying all that. I just wanted to throw it out there that I'm quitting because it's a big deal to me. If you aren't going to have something positive to say about this, please don't say anything. Just be happy I'm doing this. Then you can go judge someone else. =0)

Things I'll be blogging about soon (soon meaning the next few days, I swear)
Komen Race For the Cure 5k Walk - I'm so proud of my sister in law and I for doing the actual walk this year.
Spiderman 3 and Monkey Boy - I think my son would marry the male characters if he could. All of them. At the same time.
Twins game - Not my first choice of how to spend my birthday. It's all good though. Some lady is going to be giggling randomly this week thanks to Monkey Boy's discussions with her.
5 years next month - Who'da thunk I'd be married for that long?

Have a safe and happy Memorial Day everyone. If you know people in the service or who were in the service, thank them for all they've done and sacrificed. It is possible to support our troops and not the war.

Oh and mom, happy 60th birthday tomorrow!

* Both of my parents were a pack a day smokers as I grew up. Dad quit with meds and my mother quit cold turkey. That gives me a lot of hope that yes, I can do this.

Comments

Les Becker said…
I think cold turkey is the way to go too. I quit in December and I was 10 days shy of 5 months as a non-smoker when I "caved". My new quit date is June 1st. You can do this. Just remember when it gets rough that the feeling goes away after a little while. It really does. One day at a time.
Anonymous said…
I am so proud of you for quitting. I know you can do it. Just remember the reasons why, most importantly those two little people that need you now and forever and that love you with all there hearts. And moving out before Dakota and I get there! lol. We should only be there for a few days, dont worry ;) Luv ya.
Happy late birthday and good luck.

Sadly, I was a quitter, but now I'm back on the wagon.

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