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Back In The Day

I can't imagine my life without my children in it. I think back to when I was not married, not in a serious relationship and I find it hard to pinpoint a time where I was really happy with my life like I am now. I know my life didn't suck. I went out to the bars every Mon to Sat for over a year. I had a great group of friends, always someone to go out with. I knew how to have fun. I had my moments of recklessness abandonment. Moments that I, as a parent now, cringe at.

The husband and I have talked about what we would say to our kids when they get to the rebellious teenage years. When they start asking questions like "Well I bet you did stupid stuff huh?" Hello? Have you met your parents? Your mother? The epitome of stupid stuff achievement? The husband has it easy, he was, and still is, a good guy (yay me!). He liked to get his drink on with his friends and whatnot, still does sometimes, but I don't think he would be embarrassed to tell the kids anything that he did when he was younger.

I don't regret anything that I've done in the past. As I've said before, those choices (as stupid as some of them were) made me the person I am and got me to the point in my life that I'm at. However, when it comes to my daughter and the one that's still baking, I shudder at having them ask me about my life before Daddy. I wasn't that bad but you know when you become a parent, even "not that bad" looks bad. Ya know?

The husband and I agreed on honesty all the way. Neither of us did anything so horrible as to land us in jail (though one of us did get taken to the pokey for a misunderstanding, you guess which one). Neither of us has done anything worse than pot. I guess we just don't see the point in keeping things from the kids. Weren't we all taught from a young age that honesty is the best policy? So why can't we follow that golden rule when it comes to talking to our kids.

I'm not proud of some of the things I did when I was in my twenties but hello? Twenties. They're there for us to screw up and have fun. That's my philosophy. My parents were honest with me when I asked questions. As an only child I was given more freedom than some of my other friends that had siblings. With that open communication (well, with my father at least) I felt ok being a wanderer and following my heart instead of my head when it came to life choices. I knew my parents would love me no matter what I did and that they would always be there for me (well, with my father at least). I felt free to be who I wanted to be, to feel what I really felt inside. I had no one to impress. No one to answer to. My friends with siblings sometimes felt they had to live their lives to please their parents and always be an example to their siblings. I get that they will always be, someone the younger ones looked up to. Some of them felt the freedom, most felt the constraints of having to please people to the point that they got into bad situations and didn't have the open lines with their family so they could get support or help. I was so grateful that I was never made to feel that way.

As a parent, I have my kids to impress. I have them to answer to. I'm going to stick to the whole honesty thing. I want my children to be able to come to us with anything. Even if they know Daddy will have a coronary and fall off the chair, I still want them to come to us. I know they'll have secrets. I know we'll find things out and be disappointed they didn't come to us. But I know, that I've given them the opportunity and the comfort in knowing that we are always there. I know I have years (hopefully) before we have to come to this bridge but I'm one of those people that thinks that far out. I like to be prepared. Or start my panic attacks way in advance.

So dear readers, what's your policy when it comes to questions from the kidlets? Do you take the honesty route? Do you omit information that you know could possibly come back and bite you in the ass when they are teenagers? (that's the one thing that makes us go the whole honesty route, we don't need them having another reason to be mad at us besides run of the mill angst). What have you done or will do?

On a side note, Jan is not even halfway done and the boy's been to one doctor appt and one OT appt, the girl went to the doc today for an injury she incurred over the weekend and oh hey, my doc says I have strep.

Happy Effin' Monday


i am very mary said…
You know - we are totally honest with our girl. Totally. We don't candy coat and she knows that her momma's life was one jacked up place before she came along. No need to hide it. And this kid? She is SO much more well-adjusted than I was. I grew up in the house of secrets and no swear words. We weren't allowed to use the word "fart". Mine? She flips me off sometimes. It's really effin' funny!

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