I Wish I Could Quit You

Tetris for the XBox. You are my crack. You are my chocolate during PMS. You are my southern and coke on a night without the children.

It's because of you that I've been so tired. So so tired. I could blame myself but what's the fun in that? I love that you get Pedro wound up when he has 40 lines to get to my 35 and mom's 30. Thank you for that. The frustration works to our advantage.

Someone pass the visine please. My retinas could use some go-go juice.

Comments

Nice To Meet You

Hi. I just got here last week. They call me the Littlest Little. I'm glad to be here and I'm sure I'll be seein' ya around. This my mama. She's always telling me that she loves me and is so blessed to have me in her life. Sometimes she cries. Wait, that's all the time. Someone should get her a tissue or two or a box. This is my daddy. See my pinky here? He's wrapped around it already. I don't think he minds though. This is Fluffy and she's the coolest auntie there is. Her little girl, Monkey? I dig that one. Hopefully she and I can be the best of friends. It's my uncle, Pedro Juan. Everyone says I'm a mellow baby and that he was the same way when he was but a baby. That's cool with me. I love my Peej. Hopefully I'll have photos of me with my cousins and siblings tomorrow. And Uncle Kota? Mama is trying to find the picture of us together. She's not all that fast on the uptake. Cut her some slack though k? If she gets her poop in...

Customer Appreciation Day

Dear Crotchety Broad, While I love my job and think it's the easiest one in the world to have, I do not think dealing with your ass was easy. Here are some highlights from my fabulous time with you: When your cashier is ringing up your precious produce, putting the codes in (from memory thank you very much), don't start trash talking her. I didn't hear you ask if I needed help because, well, um, I was busy ringing your shit up. When I look up because I heard something , don't look at me and say, " HELLO??" all sarcastic and shit. I will squish your tomatos, avocados and bread. When I ask if you have coupons, that's generally a sign that I am not a mind reader, can't see in your purse and can't predict the future (contrary to what you may think dear customer). As a refresher, here's our coversation: Loverly Cashier: Did you have any coupons today ma'am? (and that ma'am part may or may not have been choked out of my throat) Crotchety Broa...

BEWARE!! DeeDee Doodle Unmasked!!

CAUTION!! CAUTION!! CAUTION!! DeeDee Doodle (Lisa Lennox) DeeDee Doodle - Lisa Lennox

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