I Wish I Could Quit You

Tetris for the XBox. You are my crack. You are my chocolate during PMS. You are my southern and coke on a night without the children.

It's because of you that I've been so tired. So so tired. I could blame myself but what's the fun in that? I love that you get Pedro wound up when he has 40 lines to get to my 35 and mom's 30. Thank you for that. The frustration works to our advantage.

Someone pass the visine please. My retinas could use some go-go juice.

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DOODLEBOPS UNMASKED - ALL THREE

Please do not ask me to email photos out, I get entirely too many requests for them. These are the ones that I have at home, thanks to a couple of sources.

Customer Appreciation Day

Dear Crotchety Broad, While I love my job and think it's the easiest one in the world to have, I do not think dealing with your ass was easy. Here are some highlights from my fabulous time with you: When your cashier is ringing up your precious produce, putting the codes in (from memory thank you very much), don't start trash talking her. I didn't hear you ask if I needed help because, well, um, I was busy ringing your shit up. When I look up because I heard something , don't look at me and say, " HELLO??" all sarcastic and shit. I will squish your tomatos, avocados and bread. When I ask if you have coupons, that's generally a sign that I am not a mind reader, can't see in your purse and can't predict the future (contrary to what you may think dear customer). As a refresher, here's our coversation: Loverly Cashier: Did you have any coupons today ma'am? (and that ma'am part may or may not have been choked out of my throat) Crotchety Broa...

She Was Heartbroken

After reading about Kim and Reggie breaking up, the Monkey had a moment of silence to reflect on the love that is no longer there. And then she ate part of the page. Fiber! She needs fiber ya know! She wasn't as into the Saved By The Bell article like her favorite Auntie was (ahem) but she did kiss Zack Morris. No lie. Puckered right on up and layed one on him. He hasn't been the same since.

Wait...What?

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