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It's Not Rocket Science

Dear Gentleman Who Can't Grasp The BOGO Concept,

As I told you, your coupon wasn't scanned. I can take care of that for you. I'll refund the lower priced item to your card and all will be well in your world. Yes, you were charged for two of them. It's buy one, get one free. I will refund the lower priced one back to your card. Yes, both are on your receipt. You get one free. No, if you buy one, you don't get that one free. I. have. to. charge. you. for. one. You. get. one. free. Yes I see that you were charged for both. I'm refunding one now. Yes, I know. There are two. There's the refund for the coupon item. Oh you want to return them? You couldn't tell me this at the beginning of this hilariously ridiculous scene? I looked right at you and said it's because you didn't use the coupon but I can take care of it for you, no problem. You said ok, thanks. YOU SAID OK! You didn't say I want to return it. If you want to return them, I can take care of that. Nevermind that smarmy smirk on my face. What's that? Since I'm giving you one free, that's ok? You'll pay for the one and get the other free?That'll work for you? Really? Awesome! You know what would work for me? For you to go back to school and learn what BUY ONE GET ONE FREE MEANS! Yes, that would do. Thanks.

I'll try not to stab you in the eye next time,
Your Happy Customer Service Associate

Dear Asshat (can you call a woman an asshat? I think so, just not a dickhead. at least that's my logic. if they have the body part you can call them that name. can't call a guy a vagina right? ok then) Woman Who Thinks She Can Get What She Wants From Me 'Cause I'm Nice To Her,

Honey, I'm nice to everyone. You're not special. Seriously lady. I don't know you personally. Our children go to the same school. That's it. My child goes to school with a shitload of my other customers' kids. Big hairy deal. I don't like when people think they can get shit for free or get special deals from me just because they think they know me. Yeah, that shit doesn't fly with my boss either. I like my job, I like to be employed and I kinda like the paycheck that I get every week. Stop coming in looking for me or J-Lo to be working so you can scam us. We're onto you and really, if it weren't for my store wanting to please every damn person that walks through that door, I would have told you no ages ago. As it is, I've had to talk to every manager and let them know what your deal is. I refuse to lose my job over something like this. You know your being shifty. AND? AND! Stop bringing your friend in with you pulling the same shit. She doesn't know me from the Pope. She better stop talking to me like she's my BFF. Gah, just stop with the nonsense. Go to another store and do this shit. If I'm going to lose my job, it'll be for something worthwhile. Like pouring bleach down your underwear.*

Thanks for pissing me off, per the norm,
The Pregnant One (and yes! I know I'm pregnant! JESUS MARY MARTHA PEOPLE!)

*I'm tired and feeling sick, that's the best burn I could come up with. Also? the boy has strep and it took the husband about 4 hours to give him one dose of meds. Oh it's been fun.

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