Too Many Letters. May Have Writer's Cramp

Dear Guy Who Yelled At His Son Every Time They Were In Together,

Nice denial and poker face when I tried to give you your kid's number. He's only been looking for you for half a year. Good parenting call there.

I am so staying out of this one,
Your cashier

Dear Bitch Who Smells Like An Herbal Essence Factory Exploded In Her Car 2 Minutes Ago,

Seriously? You stink. I may puke. Also, you're mean to strangers. That lady did nothing to you. Karma is a bitch too. She's just more effective. Good luck with that one.

Just an FYI,
The very pregnant one

Dear Still Drunk From St. Patty's Day Parties Down At The U Customer,

Dude. You stink worse than the fruity lady. Shower please. And the twitch for you fix? Yeah, you're not so good at hiding it. Nice try though.

I need a clothespin, a bucket and some Febreeze,
Your still very pregnant cashier

Dear Lady Who Likes To Point Out My Large Pregnancy Every Single Time You See Me Which Is Every Other Day,

I get it. I'm the size of a barn.

Moooooving along,
Farmer Preggo

Dear D Bag On The Phone Who Made Me Want To Fork My Eyes Out,

Yeah, I knew your ass wouldn't show up today. Mr. I'm going to make a special trip to your store so you can fix this problem. When you're wrong, it's OK to admit it. I won't think less of you. I couldn't possibly do that anyway.

I have to remember I love my job,
Your Service With A Smile cashier

Comments

DOODLEBOPS UNMASKED - ALL THREE

Please do not ask me to email photos out, I get entirely too many requests for them. These are the ones that I have at home, thanks to a couple of sources.

Customer Appreciation Day

Dear Crotchety Broad, While I love my job and think it's the easiest one in the world to have, I do not think dealing with your ass was easy. Here are some highlights from my fabulous time with you: When your cashier is ringing up your precious produce, putting the codes in (from memory thank you very much), don't start trash talking her. I didn't hear you ask if I needed help because, well, um, I was busy ringing your shit up. When I look up because I heard something , don't look at me and say, " HELLO??" all sarcastic and shit. I will squish your tomatos, avocados and bread. When I ask if you have coupons, that's generally a sign that I am not a mind reader, can't see in your purse and can't predict the future (contrary to what you may think dear customer). As a refresher, here's our coversation: Loverly Cashier: Did you have any coupons today ma'am? (and that ma'am part may or may not have been choked out of my throat) Crotchety Broa...

She Was Heartbroken

After reading about Kim and Reggie breaking up, the Monkey had a moment of silence to reflect on the love that is no longer there. And then she ate part of the page. Fiber! She needs fiber ya know! She wasn't as into the Saved By The Bell article like her favorite Auntie was (ahem) but she did kiss Zack Morris. No lie. Puckered right on up and layed one on him. He hasn't been the same since.

Wait...What?

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