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Don't Expect This To Make Sense

So the boy has had a rough week. On Monday he physically moved a child out of a seat so that he could have it. On Thursday he attempted to twist his teacher's arms behind her back because it was time to leave the library. (Side note, glad he loves the library, shitty that he has to act out his way) Today they were all walking to their specials and two classmates weren't walking in a straight line, per the rule and he felt the need to go tell them. Then he pushed and kicked them to get in line. I'm not going to lie people, I cried when I heard this news.Finally, this afternoon he missed the bus because he didn't want to stop coloring and had a meltdown in the hallway. When I got to the school to pick him up, his paras were holding him in the hallway because he had been kicking and screaming. I know his medication hasn't really taken effect yet but I hope it does soon. I haven't updated ya'll on that, have I? (just checked, that's a no) So, to recap: He was taking Zoloft, Guanfacine and Ritalin in the morning, then at 11 he would take Guan and Rit at school, again at 4pm and at bedtime Clonodine and Melatonin. Now he's off the Ritalin and back on Concerta and he has no meds in the daytime to take. The Guanfacine is now available in a 24 hour lasting dose so he takes that in the morning with the Concerta and Zoloft.

He was on Concerta last year for awhile but we took him off of it when we realized it was suppressing his appetite. We're hoping now that he's older, he'll be able to tolerate the medication better. He also developed this eye tic where he would blink all the time. And when I say all the time people?? I mean all. the. time.

We know the meds need time to kick in but with him behaving this way at school? I just don't know what to do. I know the school teachers and paras love him and want to help him in anyway possible and that comforts me but I feel like I have to figure this out right away. They have a lot of other students who need their help and support and I feel bad that my boy is............I don't know. I feel for him more than anything and I feel for the staff.

This week has been especially hard on the staff since we learned Tue morning that a beloved staff member died in a car accident on the way to work. She was in charge of the before and after school programs and while my son never spent time with her, he knew who she was. The children have been talking about their feelings all week on her death and naturally, questions arise. We tend to follow the only tell them what they need to know, leave the details out if you can. The boy, of course, wants details and I just told him I had none. Sometimes accidents happen. It's no one's fault. The only death he's dealt with has been Great Grandparents and a Great Uncle though he only remembers 2 of them. It's hard to talk to him about it because he is so matter of fact and seems non emotional about it. He comes across like he doesn't care and yet other times, he will be crying for awhile about it.

I don't know that I'll ever understand my son. But I do understand one thing......

I love him and I'll do whatever I have to do to help him succeed in school and in life.


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