Hello November (say it the Jerry Seinfeld voice - DO IT!)..........Well well well, what have we here? Another November is upon us. What does this one bring? I'll tell you what this one brings:
A lot of grief. Of the football variety.
People, you have no idea how it saddened my husband to learn that the Vikings put Randy Moss on waivers today. Serrrsly. It boggles his mind. He never thought the Vikings would be on this road to what? Misery? A trainwreck? It's worse than when they lost last year in the playoffs. Dare I say, it's worse than when the Twinkies lost to thoseem effing stinkin' Yankees.
My husband loves all things sports related. Ya'll have heard of Deer Widows right? Well, I have it worse than that. That? One weekend. Two if they bow hunt. Me? I've got that when it's football, baseball, hockey and college hockey and football season. AND don't even get me started on the godforsaken Gopher football program. My husband says the Eden Prairie high school football team (ranked #1 in the state) can beat the Gophers right now. I'm thinking the man is onto something.
November? Dude, you could have started out better than that right? I know you have it in you. Also? You made work blow. That was awesome.
See when I know that I'm going to be cashiering all night, I kind of look forward to it. We're having a contest at work to see whose team can get the highest items per minute (heretofore IPM). Let's just say my team will never be placing much less winning a damn thing EXCEPT Most Pathetic Numbers of the Whole Company Thankyouverymuch. Say what you will, but that's the gospel. According to me.
I got to cashier a little bit tonight. Our customer service manager went home sick and Oh Em Gee ya'll! It's like the neon sign went up outside the store that said "Come on in and act like a douchebag, complain loudly that they should open another register while you are looking at the cashier as she pages for more help," I love that sign. Why you ask? Because people listen to that sign. They love to bitch and complain about the self checkout machines not working as fast as a cashier. (That's right, it's a MACHINE! not a human, it's not a mind reader though I'm sure our cashiers aren't either) They want the bigger size for the smaller size price. (there's an 11 year old out there dying to crack a joke and hey! Stop reading my blog 11 year old!!)
Listen, I love my job. I love making people happy. I love, no I mean LOVE bagging people's groceries (don't judge!). I don't love the people that think their shit don't stink. I've been in retail for twenty years now (hold me Martha, that hurt to type) and I like to think not much will shock me anymore. Yet there are people out there who are bound and determined to eff everyone else's day up because they had a craptastic day. (I was just now wondering why spellcheck didn't like the word craptastic. Hmm....) So...in conclusion (finally, I know) I love my job but people? Ya'll need to settle down and get your tights out of the bunch. It's a grocery store. It's not life or death. I can get you the coupon that you forgot. I can get someone to take your two bags out to the car because lawcy mercy you had to come get your groceries yourself and you're too good to touch them anymore than absolutely necessary. Wow, that was out loud huh? Sorry.
Bitter, party of one? Bitter?
November? I hope that is the worst you have but since there are Parent/Teacher conferences for two of the three children plus our busiest holiday at the store, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that was just a teaser no? Well bring it on November.
and Internet? I apologize ahead of time if I end up in the corner curled up in the fetal position crying and sucking my thumb. Just pass me a beer and some cheese curds. I'll be alright.
Eventually.
A lot of grief. Of the football variety.
People, you have no idea how it saddened my husband to learn that the Vikings put Randy Moss on waivers today. Serrrsly. It boggles his mind. He never thought the Vikings would be on this road to what? Misery? A trainwreck? It's worse than when they lost last year in the playoffs. Dare I say, it's worse than when the Twinkies lost to those
My husband loves all things sports related. Ya'll have heard of Deer Widows right? Well, I have it worse than that. That? One weekend. Two if they bow hunt. Me? I've got that when it's football, baseball, hockey and college hockey and football season. AND don't even get me started on the godforsaken Gopher football program. My husband says the Eden Prairie high school football team (ranked #1 in the state) can beat the Gophers right now. I'm thinking the man is onto something.
November? Dude, you could have started out better than that right? I know you have it in you. Also? You made work blow. That was awesome.
See when I know that I'm going to be cashiering all night, I kind of look forward to it. We're having a contest at work to see whose team can get the highest items per minute (heretofore IPM). Let's just say my team will never be placing much less winning a damn thing EXCEPT Most Pathetic Numbers of the Whole Company Thankyouverymuch. Say what you will, but that's the gospel. According to me.
I got to cashier a little bit tonight. Our customer service manager went home sick and Oh Em Gee ya'll! It's like the neon sign went up outside the store that said "Come on in and act like a douchebag, complain loudly that they should open another register while you are looking at the cashier as she pages for more help," I love that sign. Why you ask? Because people listen to that sign. They love to bitch and complain about the self checkout machines not working as fast as a cashier. (That's right, it's a MACHINE! not a human, it's not a mind reader though I'm sure our cashiers aren't either) They want the bigger size for the smaller size price. (there's an 11 year old out there dying to crack a joke and hey! Stop reading my blog 11 year old!!)
Listen, I love my job. I love making people happy. I love, no I mean LOVE bagging people's groceries (don't judge!). I don't love the people that think their shit don't stink. I've been in retail for twenty years now (hold me Martha, that hurt to type) and I like to think not much will shock me anymore. Yet there are people out there who are bound and determined to eff everyone else's day up because they had a craptastic day. (I was just now wondering why spellcheck didn't like the word craptastic. Hmm....) So...in conclusion (finally, I know) I love my job but people? Ya'll need to settle down and get your tights out of the bunch. It's a grocery store. It's not life or death. I can get you the coupon that you forgot. I can get someone to take your two bags out to the car because lawcy mercy you had to come get your groceries yourself and you're too good to touch them anymore than absolutely necessary. Wow, that was out loud huh? Sorry.
Bitter, party of one? Bitter?
November? I hope that is the worst you have but since there are Parent/Teacher conferences for two of the three children plus our busiest holiday at the store, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that was just a teaser no? Well bring it on November.
and Internet? I apologize ahead of time if I end up in the corner curled up in the fetal position crying and sucking my thumb. Just pass me a beer and some cheese curds. I'll be alright.
Eventually.
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