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My Dreams

I have always had dreams that....well....sometimes they are freaky weird, sometimes leave me speechless and most times they leave no memory path for me to recall them. I tend to not remember my dreams. I'm ok with that. Some of the ones I do remember are too painful. Too gut wrenching, they make me physically ill. See last night's note.

I've had some trouble sleeping lately, in that I wake up every. single. hour. It's been frustrating. I've been going to bed earlier (like at 10 or 11 - shocking! I know!) This week hasn't been stressful or upsetting so I'm not sure where this fitful sleep is coming from. I could take a percocet and that would help me sleep but I think I'll save what's leftover for when I have my back go out, again. And again. So these dreams have been fast and furious this week. Some have made me wake myself up laughing (I wish I could recall those) and others, like tonight's, have me crying as I remember them.

My friend's mom passed away in April of this year. I've always considered her to be another mom for me. I could always talk to her, about anything, Heck, I lived with them for awhile. She meant so much to me and I was heartbroken when she passed away. Tonight, I saw her in my dream. She was talking to me, telling me that she loved me and that my kids were alright. She was hugging me, saying that she would see me again (like you would when leaving a friend's house) and said she loved me again.

I woke up and felt this rush of sadness. As more of this dream flooded my head, I was filled with such comfort. I knew that every thing was going to be ok. I knew that she was there. I heard her voice. I saw her. I felt her embrace. It all felt so real.

I normally wouldn't read too much into my dreams. I mean really, some of them? Crazy*  This one was different. I can still hear her voice and normally that part fades quickly. I don't know what this dream means but I do believe this: She's watching out for us. For all of us. She's there. I know it. I feel it.

I love her. I miss her. I know I will see her again. In my dreams. And I hope I can remember those too.


*Crazy example #1 - I was in a dingy boat and rowed my way out to an aircraft carrier that my dad was on (when was in the Navy).
Crazy example #2 - there was a bomb in the basement of our house in Illinois. Every night, for months, I would wake up screaming for my dad. I was convinced there was a bomb in the basement. No clue why, it was 1986 and I was 13.
Crazy example #3 - that damn dream from last night, what the crap was that? a dead kid? that no one wanted to look for? I needed that to wake me up in the middle of the night. :::eyeroll:::

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