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For Our Baba

I was looking at Donovan tonight while he was sleeping. You know how you do that. You just stare. Wondering where all the time went. How the hell did they get that big?? My God, they're going to get even bigger?? What. The. Hell? I rescued his baby book from his bed (the kids love looking at it. also?? it's the only one. whoops!) and took pictures of a some photos. Obviously the quality is far less than stellar. The point is made though.....

This is what I look at every night. This sweet boy is the one I fight for all the time. The one I stand up for. The one who yells at me that I'm a horrible mom. The one who wishes I would just go live somewhere else. The one who, only an hour later, snuggles up to me saying sorry. The one who never means to hurt me. The one who can hurt me the most. The one who loves me the most in his own special way. He's getting so big, so fast. I can't keep up. I'm scared for the future. I mourn the past. I live for the now. It's all we can do. 

Look at how tiny he was! How black the hair was! Holy smokes Batman!

Couldn't you just die? 

Baba?? This is for you. I love how Ray is looking at him, full of love and, I like to think, pride. I live with a lot of regrets, in that I didn't spend the time with him that I should have. I didn't make that effort to bring his nephew and nieces to see him. I miss him hollering in the background on the phone. I hope he's proud of the little family we've created. 

Giving each other the eye. Love it!


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