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Not Part Of Our Life Plan

2 weeks ago my son threatened to jump out of his two story high bedroom window. He had his hand pressing on the screen, ready to push. He was at the window, ready to do it. Spewing hate and anger at his father and I. Calling us horrible things. He just wants a normal life, he screams.

A few months ago he held a butcher knife to his neck saying he wanted to cut his head off. He wanted to die.  Right then and there and he was willing to do it. He hates his life. He just wants a normal life, he screams.

He is on the Autism spectrum. 
He has Aspergers Syndrome.

He's 9y 9mo old. He is my baby boy. My only boy. 

Tomorrow, if a bed becomes available, he will be admitted to the hospital for a two week stay. He does not know this. We aren't telling him. He would fight it so hard and I don't want to put him through that. If he is to be admitted tomorrow, we will take him there, stay with him as long as we can and do our best to assure him he is loved, more than anything in this world. 

He's going to be pissed at us. We have to take that. And we will. If it means our son gets the help he needs, I will move mountains. 

I don't know what path our family will be taking in the future. It terrifies me. The unknowing. The hurt. Anger. Resentment. Nightmares. 

The first book I read after Donovan was diagnosed said that most marriages involving a child on the spectrum ended in divorce (or at the very least, separation). Kirk and I refuse to let that happen to us. I thank the good Lord every day for this man. That I pledged my life and my love to him, for always. I'm so blessed and lucky to be with him. 

I hope that in sharing this, I can help others who are experiencing similar things. At the very least, I want to help educate people to what life is like for a family living with a child on the spectrum. I hope you share your thoughts, ideas and inspirations with me. 

Please do not pity us or feel sorry for us. Please don't judge us. 

What I ask of you is to try and understand. Learn. Read. Watch. 
We are an amazing family. Our son is the most fascinating, intelligent, creative, caring and sweet soul that we know. Our family is strong, we may not show it always, but we are fighters. Right now, we're fighting for our son, brother, nephew and grandson. 


Anonymous said…
Sending you love and hugs. You need to take care of you and yours. Let me know if you need anything.

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