Rules To Live By

My good friend, Georgia, posted this on my Facebook wall and I felt it should be shared.


12 REASONS YOU SHOULD THINK TWICE BEFORE MESSING WITH SPECIAL NEEDS PARENTS:

1. Some of us have given up on social skills and don't care what we say or do.

• I have found myself biting my tongue more often than not when it comes to what other people say regarding my son and his "situation". It makes me a little sad that I'm reaching the point that I don't care how I come across to some people and their insensitive comments.

2. We're not afraid to have a serious "meltdown" of our own.

• It's hard to leave home at home when you get to work. I've hard some "meltdowns" of my own in the breakroom and am blessed to have coworkers that are so understanding.

3. We are tired and all the patience we have is for our kids.

• Isn't this the truth? Sometimes that patience is playing a wicked good game of hide and seek. 

4. We have a far shorter fuse for nonsense as a result of our responsibilities but A FAR thicker skin.

• I'm working on the thick skin but it's hard yo. People can be so mean, cruel and insensitive. Sometimes you wonder just what the hell is wrong with them. It's difficult to not take things personally and it's been a long struggle to accept what can't be changed - be that the situation or other people. 

5. We can get you

 in a hold/lockdown position in less than 3.5 secs.

• I have told my son, from the first physical altercation (around 4yo), that he will never be able to take me down. Don't ever think you can take me on and win. Mama will always be able to get you in a hold and you won't like it. (Mama won't like it either) It scares the shit out of me that when he's a teenager, I may *not* be able to control him if he comes after me. This is why I want him to get this psych evaluation done. I have to protect him, his sisters, my husband and me. 

6. We can shoot you a look that would make a linebacker tremble in his boots.

• I'm not ashamed to admit that I have given looks like this. I've done it to people that know us very well and under any other circumstance, I would feel horrible doing that but you know what? Some people need to be put in their place. Some events call for just a look and no words. It's amazing how fast some people shut up. I kinda like it.

7. Chances are it's been a while since we've had a full night of sleep and that will give us a reason to plead insanity.

• The last couple years have been just horrible for my sleeping. I've always been a night owl so going to be at 1am is nothing new to me. Now though, I'm just tired all the time. All. The. Time. I take a nap with Celia when she gets home from school and if I could, I would sleep all afternoon. Alas, children don't allow that to happen. I come home from work and am just exhausted. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. 

8. Our tolerance and patience is for our kids who didn't choose to have special needs, not for someone who CHOOSES to behave inappropriately and is ABLE to control their actions.

• My child did not choose to have Aspergers. My child did not choose to have ADHD. Or OCD. Or ODD. or any of the other lovely additions to the family. I did not choose to have a child carrying these burdens on his shoulders. I *have* chosen to hold my head high, be proud of my son, my baby boy. I *have* chosen to enlighten those that are ignorant to his challenges and demands. So many assumptions are made by those not educated. I feel it's part of my job, as his mother, to help others understand just what Aspergers is and how those not in an Aspie's inner circle can be there for the Aspie and their family.

9. We're probably already on edge and it would be stupid to push us over.

• Amen

10. We are sleep deprived and already defensive, and we spend all of our patience on our children, doctors, therapists, social workers and teachers, why would we waste an ounce of it on a total stranger?

• A lot of times, I just ignore looks or comments. There are times though when it's just impossible to keep my mouth shut. I have no patience for people who don't know us and feel they can comment rudely about my child. Usually that lack of patience shows through. Clearly. 

11. We've had to fight from the moment of our child's birth so by the time you piss us off we're seasoned battlers and could win a war.

• I'm not usually a pushy person. I'm more passive aggressive. I tend to let people walk all over me. Let me make this crystal clear though: if you mess with my son's treatments, appointments or anything that he *needs*? You will have to deal with my inner bitch. This is *my* son, *my* boy. Not yours. Back the hell off and stay out of my way. My son is entitled to all the things a "normal" child is entitled to. Don't try to hold him back because if you do, I won't be able to hold back. And no one wants to deal with a Mama Bear on edge. No one.

12.We devote our lives to our children and don't need more stress and people who don't understand our life.

• I've lost ten pounds or so the last couple weeks due to all of this recent stress. Not a weight loss plan I would recommend. I don't have the emotional capacity to talk about this with some people. Too many people brush all of this off like it's nothing. He'll be ok, don't worry. He's just saying things to get attention. He wouldn't really hurt himself.

My son held a butcher knife up to his neck, making skin on blade contact, and threatened to cut his head off. Lest you think a 9yo can't do that, just picture the scenario. Imagine that you are his mother. Your child is standing there, crying, shaking, angry, screaming. Holding a butcher knife to his neck. Imagine your 3yo walking up to this situation asking what's going on. Imagine doing your best to not scream at him to drop the knife because you know that if you scream at him, he will jump at the loudness and then what? He cuts his neck? Imagine living with that? Imagine calmly talking your 9yo, your sweet baby boy, your first born, into giving you the knife before he can hurt himself or others. Imagine collapsing with him in your arms, so thankful that he is alive and no one was hurt. 

• This is why I choose to not talk about this with some people and instead write about it on here. I have always said that I don't want people feeling bad for us, having pity for us. I just want people to attempt to understand what we are living with before they open their mouths. I know a lot of people are full of good intentions. A lot of people are not. I don't have time for the latter.