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Vacation Time

For my anxiety, that is.

We have decided, after a lot of thought and consideration, to take Donovan off of the waiting list for the two week psychiatric evaluation. It wasn't an easy choice but it's one we feel is right. For right now.

He has not talked about suicide since the window jumping attempt. He still gets overwhelmed and will cry frequently, sometimes saying he wants to die. I think it's important to note that there is a significant difference between him wanting to die and him declaring he wants to kill himself. It may seem the same to those not used to this talk but I assure you, it's not.

When he is frustrated, he has reached his breaking point. He cannot handle whatever is going on or whatever is agitating him (school work, transitions {oh those damn transitions!}, etc) and he just wants it all to go away. He says he wants to die because in his brain, the problem will go away. He doesn't really want to die  but it's the only way he can articulate how he's feeling. He knows that someone will acknowledge what he's saying and feeling.

When he says he wants to kill himself, we get worried (uh, duh?) and we take these statements very seriously. His talk of killing himself is scary to anyone who knows him and hell, even those of you that don't know him. We know to let him get everything out verbally but keep him safe at the same time. Killing himself means he has been thinking about it. He knows how he would do it, he'll tell you. He hates everyone when he is like that.

I know I probably didn't explain it so it makes sense, and I apologize, but listen, this doesn't make sense to us. We are learning new things all the time with Donovan. What sets him off and lo, that list is long and ever changing and evolving. The list of things that settle him down is just as complicated. There is no blanket solution for any escalation. It's tiring but hey, we do what we have to for our children yes?

In other Donovan kicking Aspergers' Ass news, his medications have been reduced and we're hoping in 2 weeks we can get him off on one med all together. I don't think I've ever shared what he's on and I'd like to, just in case anyone was interested.

In the AM he takes 300mg  SeroquelXR  and 40mg  Propranolol
At noon he takes 40mg  Propranolal
In the PM he takes (deep breath) 300mg SeroquelXR, 40mg Propranolal, 500mg Depokat and 3mg Melatonin

He was taking 450mg of SeroquelXR but it's been reduced now and with any luck, the Propranolal will go away after the elections. This is a huge relief for us because who really wants to medicate their child so much? Not us.

He is so much more mellow during the day, outbursts and frustrations are decreased. He had been spending his school days (for the last three weeks) in a conference room with his para or teacher, not able to be in the classroom due to the behaviors that would get a mainstreamed kid kicked out of school. I'm so happy to share that he has been in his classroom, full days!, for this last week and a half. He's had a couple rough spots but overall? Tremendous improvement! Hence, the Propranolal being eliminated (hopefully).

Side note on the meds: he has been on just about every medication out there - Ritalin, Abilify, Sertraline, Clonidine, a wide array of mood stabilizers, selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), Intuniv, Adderall (hands down, the worst thing he was on - so violent), Concerta, Focaline, you name it, he's been on it. So for us to be able to decrease one med and possibly take one out completely? AMAZING! And look, I know his brain and chemical balances are ever changing, we will always have to tweak his meds, but this is just what our family needs right now. This is a good change.

So for once, I'm not complaining about Aspergers and it's shitty treatment of my kid. Yay for us!!


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