Skip to main content

Now Listen Here.....

I love football, not as much as Sarah (really, I defy you to find ten men who love the game as she does) but I would never (and I'd like to think Sarah would never) do this. That was one screwed up sentence. Sorry bout that.

I had to work last Sunday when the game was on and we had a buttload of people over. Apparantly, whilst the adult beverage consumption was commencing, Monkey Boy made the ridiculous loss of the Vikings bearable. Everyone was clinking glasses, toasting, who knows what the hell they were doing. Monkey Boy walks up to them, holds up his glass and says, "Bring it. Like the beer." Seriously, whose kid is this? If he isn't oozing DNA from my dad and grandfather then my husband is hiding the crazies in his family. He is so my child. Scariest shit sometimes.

How many times do I have to say any of the following to my son before it sinks into his head?

  • While the "Movin' Out" Opi nailpolish looks fab on you, it's not really for boys. Just look at Jared Leto. What. The. Frick? Scary dude. Where is this Jared Editor's Note: This link has been deleted. See comment section. I was not aware that I was stealing bandwidth. I apologize for that. I double check my links before posting them and it was to a photo. I'm sorry that I was apparantly wrong. Please be assured that I will no longer be sending my readers to your site. Good day. Huh? HUH?!
  • You can use the purse that belongs to your sister but you may not fill it with Mommy's tampons.
  • I'm glad you like fine jewelry but really, Mommy's wedding ring? No, you can't pretend to drop it down the drain ala Stuart Little 2 and say you're going to get it. Mommy loves this ring and it was waaaaay too expensive to be playing over the drain with it.

Labels:

Comments

Anonymous said…
The creepiest part is he isn't the first kid names ESPN. I swear I've heard it before.

Besides, I would name my kid NFL Network.

Duh.
9:28 PM
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said…
Oh. I did suggest that we name our kid (before I found out it was actually kidS) Gruden, and Gabe just scowled at me so I didn't bring it up again.
9:29 PM
Anonymous said…
So I read the article again, and I see that there are actually THREE other ESPN babies.

Sheesh. I wonder if you could have 30 comments and they could all be me?
9:43 PM
Mama said…
oh my god, I can't stop laughing. You kill me Sarah. After the shitastic day I just had, I needed that laugh. I wanted to name our next boy Dante (for a character in a mob movie) but then people were asking if I was naming the boys after black quarterbacks cause Monkey Boy is a Donovan. The next would have been Dante to keep the initals the same. Yeah now that Culpepper is gone (thank god) I don't think my husband is too keen on that name. Oh well. I don't know if I want to pop one more kid out anyway. Hey I think I'll just write a post here in my comments!! Ha!
11:55 PM
Angel said…
What was wrong with that guy's wife, anyway? Was she still high on drugs from giving birth? ESPN??? Are you freakin kinding me? Although my boys think it's really cool!
6:18 AM
Anonymous said…
Hey, lady, can you not try to steal bandwidth from me? I don't allow hotlinking. If you want a picture of Jared Leto, go find your own or steal it blatantly and move it to your own server instead of pretending like mine is just a resource for you to use at will. I pay for that bandwidth, thank you very much, not you, and I'd really like it if you treated my property like it was . . . well . . . like it was my property. I hope "take at will" is not the lesson you're teaching your kids.
6:23 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nice To Meet You

Hi. I just got here last week. They call me the Littlest Little. I'm glad to be here and I'm sure I'll be seein' ya around. This my mama. She's always telling me that she loves me and is so blessed to have me in her life. Sometimes she cries. Wait, that's all the time. Someone should get her a tissue or two or a box. This is my daddy. See my pinky here? He's wrapped around it already. I don't think he minds though. This is Fluffy and she's the coolest auntie there is. Her little girl, Monkey? I dig that one. Hopefully she and I can be the best of friends. It's my uncle, Pedro Juan. Everyone says I'm a mellow baby and that he was the same way when he was but a baby. That's cool with me. I love my Peej. Hopefully I'll have photos of me with my cousins and siblings tomorrow. And Uncle Kota? Mama is trying to find the picture of us together. She's not all that fast on the uptake. Cut her some slack though k? If she gets her poop in...
1 comment
Read more

BEWARE!! DeeDee Doodle Unmasked!!

CAUTION!! CAUTION!! CAUTION!! DeeDee Doodle (Lisa Lennox) DeeDee Doodle - Lisa Lennox
6 comments
Read more

Customer Appreciation Day

Dear Crotchety Broad, While I love my job and think it's the easiest one in the world to have, I do not think dealing with your ass was easy. Here are some highlights from my fabulous time with you: When your cashier is ringing up your precious produce, putting the codes in (from memory thank you very much), don't start trash talking her. I didn't hear you ask if I needed help because, well, um, I was busy ringing your shit up. When I look up because I heard something , don't look at me and say, " HELLO??" all sarcastic and shit. I will squish your tomatos, avocados and bread. When I ask if you have coupons, that's generally a sign that I am not a mind reader, can't see in your purse and can't predict the future (contrary to what you may think dear customer). As a refresher, here's our coversation: Loverly Cashier: Did you have any coupons today ma'am? (and that ma'am part may or may not have been choked out of my throat) Crotchety Broa...
2 comments
Read more