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Now Listen Here.....

I love football, not as much as Sarah (really, I defy you to find ten men who love the game as she does) but I would never (and I'd like to think Sarah would never) do this. That was one screwed up sentence. Sorry bout that.

I had to work last Sunday when the game was on and we had a buttload of people over. Apparantly, whilst the adult beverage consumption was commencing, Monkey Boy made the ridiculous loss of the Vikings bearable. Everyone was clinking glasses, toasting, who knows what the hell they were doing. Monkey Boy walks up to them, holds up his glass and says, "Bring it. Like the beer." Seriously, whose kid is this? If he isn't oozing DNA from my dad and grandfather then my husband is hiding the crazies in his family. He is so my child. Scariest shit sometimes.

How many times do I have to say any of the following to my son before it sinks into his head?

  • While the "Movin' Out" Opi nailpolish looks fab on you, it's not really for boys. Just look at Jared Leto. What. The. Frick? Scary dude. Where is this Jared Editor's Note: This link has been deleted. See comment section. I was not aware that I was stealing bandwidth. I apologize for that. I double check my links before posting them and it was to a photo. I'm sorry that I was apparantly wrong. Please be assured that I will no longer be sending my readers to your site. Good day. Huh? HUH?!
  • You can use the purse that belongs to your sister but you may not fill it with Mommy's tampons.
  • I'm glad you like fine jewelry but really, Mommy's wedding ring? No, you can't pretend to drop it down the drain ala Stuart Little 2 and say you're going to get it. Mommy loves this ring and it was waaaaay too expensive to be playing over the drain with it.

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Comments

Anonymous said…
The creepiest part is he isn't the first kid names ESPN. I swear I've heard it before.

Besides, I would name my kid NFL Network.

Duh.
9:28 PM
Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said…
Oh. I did suggest that we name our kid (before I found out it was actually kidS) Gruden, and Gabe just scowled at me so I didn't bring it up again.
9:29 PM
Anonymous said…
So I read the article again, and I see that there are actually THREE other ESPN babies.

Sheesh. I wonder if you could have 30 comments and they could all be me?
9:43 PM
Mama said…
oh my god, I can't stop laughing. You kill me Sarah. After the shitastic day I just had, I needed that laugh. I wanted to name our next boy Dante (for a character in a mob movie) but then people were asking if I was naming the boys after black quarterbacks cause Monkey Boy is a Donovan. The next would have been Dante to keep the initals the same. Yeah now that Culpepper is gone (thank god) I don't think my husband is too keen on that name. Oh well. I don't know if I want to pop one more kid out anyway. Hey I think I'll just write a post here in my comments!! Ha!
11:55 PM
Angel said…
What was wrong with that guy's wife, anyway? Was she still high on drugs from giving birth? ESPN??? Are you freakin kinding me? Although my boys think it's really cool!
6:18 AM
Anonymous said…
Hey, lady, can you not try to steal bandwidth from me? I don't allow hotlinking. If you want a picture of Jared Leto, go find your own or steal it blatantly and move it to your own server instead of pretending like mine is just a resource for you to use at will. I pay for that bandwidth, thank you very much, not you, and I'd really like it if you treated my property like it was . . . well . . . like it was my property. I hope "take at will" is not the lesson you're teaching your kids.
6:23 PM
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