Say What?

I get these emails from babycenter.com or someplace like that and they list things your kid should be able to do, isn't able to do and what they should NOT be doing right now. So, Peanut is 18mos old. Let's see what they say and then the reality (and I know that all kids progress differently):

• Taking clothes off - 18-30mos. Ok I think every kid is able to get butt nekkid alot earlier than that. They love being nekkid. All. The. Time. Mine were nekkid all the time at 12mos. Nevermind that it was winter outside. They had the air on their ass. Oh I like that sentance. I'm saving that one.


• Putting clothes on - 24mos. Peanut can get her brother's underwear and pants on in about hmm, 45 seconds if she thinks you're coming after her to take them away.


• Eating an ice cube - 2 years I think that's a little long to make a kid wait for the glory of brain freeze and swallowing a little ice and having it freeze your throat cold. Peanut was eating ice all over the house at a year old.

According to the experts, she is also way too young to be able to do any of the following:

• Stand on an escalator. Have you been to a mall with her when she's free from the stroller? Good luck keeping her from those things.


• Spicy foods, raisins, popcorn, candy and gum. She's eats chunks of onions, peppers and loves mexican food. Loves rollipops (lollipops) and will hunt you down and pester you senseless if she thinks you have any gum at all on your person. Even it's ABC gum. Seriously.

Monkey Boy fell asleep on the way home from his cousin's place and was asleep when I got home from work. Whilst I was quietly checking email and playing a couple Pogo games, I hear (rather loudly), "Not you Squidward! It's too loud!!" I also heard him say, "No, don't take them, just leave them there please." When he woke up, a Lunestra commercial was on and he said the boy in it stinks. I didn't see the commercial so I cannot confirm or deny that there was indeed a boy and/or that he stunk. I'll take his word for it cause it's more fun that way. And guess what I was doing from 1230 to 1am. Eating pizza in the kitchen huddled under an Incredible Hulk blanket with Monkey Boy. Fun times I tell ya. Fun times.

Spongebob Squarepants has supplied me with a couple quotes for the day. Enjoy:

Sandy: Don't you have to be stupid somewhere?
Patrick: Not til 4

Spongebob: From now on, I'm on round the clock butt patrol.

I promise to you dear internet family of mine that I have a couple doozies from work. There was the lady with two coupons who did not buy what she needed to. Fork in the eye please. I called her a name that, well, really, I shouldn't have even said it out loud to myself. Yeah, THAT name. But she was totally being one, I swear. More later.

I also have the lady who told one of my fave cashiers (and the only one whom I've told of this site - Hi Ryan!!) that she just didn't want her stuff anymore. $110 worth of stuff. Just walked out. These two "ladies" happened on the same night AND I was short 3-4 cashiers depending on the time of day. I was supposed to be CSM but was on register for 90% of my shift. Yeah, it was fun. I digress though, I wouldn't want to spoil the fun for you. I know ya'll love reading about my torture and how I pathetically attempt to appease my customers when really, I want slack gun laws and a clear path to Canada. Les, I'm coming your way soon I think. Gah!!