Skip to main content

I'll Take Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna Back, Just Take This Woman Please

Dear "British" Woman Lady Hag,

I don't think you're British at all. You never have an accent in the Pharmacy. You're nice to them over there. I think if you are British that the Queen (this one, not this one) ordered you brought to the guillotine and you jumped the pond to terrorize people here. You come to my front end and harass my cashiers and customers. You started in with the gentleman behind you one day because he was buying Gummy Bears. GUMMY BEARS! Really! Want to know how you sounded? (Use your best English accent here, even if it's a crappy one)

Hag Who Looks Around Late 30's: (looks at customer behind her then at the items he's about to purchase)
Nice Fella Who Looks Around 30something: (looks at her and says hi cause that's what we Minnesotans do, we're nice like that)
Hag: How old are you? Don't you think you're too old to be buying Gummy Bears?
Fella: Excuse me?
Hag: Really, you Americans and your poor diets. No wonder your culture is full of fat, obese people.
Fella: :blink: :blink:
Hag: Well? What do you have to say for yourself?
Fella: Not a damn thing to you lady.

This is typical of you. What the hell did that man do to you? Nada. Wanna know what he wanted to do? Put a hot poker to your ear for starters I'm sure. A slow acid drip to the eyes. Oh wait, no, that's what I would like to do. Maybe he just wanted to run you over with his NON 4 wheel drive car. You know what I'm talking about bloke. How us Minnesotans that happen to have a vehicle that isn't a 4 wheel drive are stupid and dumb Americans. Thanks, that made me feel the warm UN fuzzies. Blimey (is that British?) you have to bitch about everything. We ask if you have coupons and I'll be goddamned, you yell at the cashier that she was supposed to have them for you and know everything that's on sale. I think you should take your tea and biscuits, go back to England (if they'll have you) and throw yourself off the top of Ben.

I think that would be excellent progress in the world peace debacle.

You've been banned from one of our stores for being mean to customers and employees. I'm waiting for the day where I'm given permission to tell you we don't need/want your business. I have a much more colorful version that I'd like to use. You should come ask me about it sometime. Really. I'm always there. I'd love that!

Stop acting like your shit don't stink. It does. A lot.

Cheerio!
Your Loverly CSM/Cashier

Comments

Les Becker said…
I think that if I had to deal with that woman, I would be fired or in jail. Or fired and in jail. But the world would be blessedly relieved of one nasty old bat who is most likely only on this continent because they wouldn't let her back on the boat.

How the hell do you do that everyday and still smile?!

Popular posts from this blog

This Has To Be Said

I haven't blogged in 8 months. We bought a house, still unpacking, school started. You know, life. I felt the need, the urgent need to blog about the Adrian Peterson situation today. I am full of all sorts of feelings and had to write about it. I would love to hear your thoughts on this whole thing. No really, I would. I don't feel I was a douchebag in my writing so all I ask is you not be a douchebag in your response. Thanks.

My thoughts on the Adrian Peterson situation (but first, some backstory):
I was spanked as a child. I'm pretty sure most of us that grew up in the 80s were.Until the summer between 5th and 6th grade I lived in Charelston, SC and from 6th to 11th grade, North Chicaco, IL. I have seen every form of discipline doled out on a child. I've seen spankings, beatings, hairbrushes smacked into heads, spoons hitting the tops of heads, whips, belts and even switches. I've seen it all.Most of you know that my son is named after a little boy who died from c…

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

When was the first time that you realized that your home was not like other people’s homes? 

My house has always been different from other houses. I don't think I could narrow it down to a particular time. I recall not having friends stay over. Ever. I always stayed at all my friends' houses and called their moms "Mom".

Not a lot of my friends were only children so to them, I was the odd duck. Believe me, I *was* the odd duck. Just for a myriad of other reasons.

Having a family of my own, I really see the differences in houses. We are more relaxed with some things that would not fly in other houses. It gets loud in our house. Extremely loud. If I stopped them from being loud all the time, I wouldn't get a single thing done. I tend to jump in right away when the kids are arguing because it can, and will, quickly snowball into WWIII and someone (or both) will be crying. We let our son play the Wii, computer or DS for far longer than other parents or even the "…

DOODLEBOPS UNMASKED - ALL THREE

Please do not ask me to email photos out, I get entirely too many requests for them. These are the ones that I have at home, thanks to a couple of sources.