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I'll Take Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna Back, Just Take This Woman Please

Dear "British" Woman Lady Hag,

I don't think you're British at all. You never have an accent in the Pharmacy. You're nice to them over there. I think if you are British that the Queen (this one, not this one) ordered you brought to the guillotine and you jumped the pond to terrorize people here. You come to my front end and harass my cashiers and customers. You started in with the gentleman behind you one day because he was buying Gummy Bears. GUMMY BEARS! Really! Want to know how you sounded? (Use your best English accent here, even if it's a crappy one)

Hag Who Looks Around Late 30's: (looks at customer behind her then at the items he's about to purchase)
Nice Fella Who Looks Around 30something: (looks at her and says hi cause that's what we Minnesotans do, we're nice like that)
Hag: How old are you? Don't you think you're too old to be buying Gummy Bears?
Fella: Excuse me?
Hag: Really, you Americans and your poor diets. No wonder your culture is full of fat, obese people.
Fella: :blink: :blink:
Hag: Well? What do you have to say for yourself?
Fella: Not a damn thing to you lady.

This is typical of you. What the hell did that man do to you? Nada. Wanna know what he wanted to do? Put a hot poker to your ear for starters I'm sure. A slow acid drip to the eyes. Oh wait, no, that's what I would like to do. Maybe he just wanted to run you over with his NON 4 wheel drive car. You know what I'm talking about bloke. How us Minnesotans that happen to have a vehicle that isn't a 4 wheel drive are stupid and dumb Americans. Thanks, that made me feel the warm UN fuzzies. Blimey (is that British?) you have to bitch about everything. We ask if you have coupons and I'll be goddamned, you yell at the cashier that she was supposed to have them for you and know everything that's on sale. I think you should take your tea and biscuits, go back to England (if they'll have you) and throw yourself off the top of Ben.

I think that would be excellent progress in the world peace debacle.

You've been banned from one of our stores for being mean to customers and employees. I'm waiting for the day where I'm given permission to tell you we don't need/want your business. I have a much more colorful version that I'd like to use. You should come ask me about it sometime. Really. I'm always there. I'd love that!

Stop acting like your shit don't stink. It does. A lot.

Cheerio!
Your Loverly CSM/Cashier
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Comments

Les Becker said…
I think that if I had to deal with that woman, I would be fired or in jail. Or fired and in jail. But the world would be blessedly relieved of one nasty old bat who is most likely only on this continent because they wouldn't let her back on the boat.

How the hell do you do that everyday and still smile?!
6:42 AM
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