My Dearest Customers

Just a couple of reminders my dear, sweet, valuable customers:

Being able to read is nothing to be ashamed of. Show off that skill. Knowing that a piece of paper that says "this is not a redeemable coupon" and knowing what to do with it (or not do with it) is a good thing. Go with it. Take it home with you. Roll some Mary Jane in it. I don't care. Stop trying to get $3 from me.
Throwing your money, crumpled up and moist from, gah, who knows where? That won't help you get out of my store faster. Be happy I didn't throw on latex gloves and keep your ass there longer.
In the same respect, tossing your credit card at me won't get you out faster either. I'll just, oh so nicely, remind you that you can swipe it right there (that pretty black box facing you). I won't tell you the magnetic strip goes down. I'm hopeful you can figure that one out on your own. Oops, guess not.
I'm sorry that the chips you purchased tasted like crap. I could have told you that had you come through my line to buy them. That's how they're supposed to taste. I can't give you money back because you didn't like them. Don't buy funky flavored crap anymore.

Oh thank you dear customers for allowing me to grace your presence and have this refresher course with you tonight. Have a great evening and we'll see you soon.

Your customer service rep,

The Crabby, Sarcastic, Pregnant One

Comments

Very Mary said…

I fear that some of your customers may also be some of my students.

1:11 AM

Mandy said…

i believe that the customer is always right... and therefore you should return the funky flavored chips for them... because at cub foods we hand out money like free candy.

10:54 PM

This, That and The Other

I can already tell that Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to suck ass even more than it normally would at my job. Last night, a guy was telling me how much he gave me, how much he was supposed to get back and THEN told me what order to give it back to him in. Um? Sir? I'm not a twit, ok, I am a twit, but I'm not an idiot. Ok, sometimes I can be. Like that time I moved up to Wisconsin in the middle of a blizzard from nice, warm Tucson, AZ for a dumb boy and we broke up less than two months later. Yeah that sucked but my point is: I've been in retail, just about every job one could have except store manager, for about oh, 19 years. I think I know what I'm doing when it comes to giving change back. Don't talk to me like I'm a 16 yr old kid who's working his first job and doesn't give a shit what kind of work ethic he has. I care about you as a customer but when you're a dick to me and pissing off everyone in my line so they are dicks to me ? Well, ...

I Can't Wait

I know of no one who agrees with me that Jason Mewes is hot. This is a bad example and this is definately NOT hot. That's ok though. I remember the good, forget the bad. I make no excuses for my taste*. For fans of Clerks , Chasing Amy , Dogma , Jay and Silent Bob , etc , check it out: P.S. I've been working 'til 11 or midnight most nights so I'm pooped. I'll blog more. I promise. Was I missed though? * Or lack thereof to some people

Um What?

Why does he feel the need to do this? He sleeps with his hand in his pull up. He pulls his penis out during the day to show me. Here I thought it went to Penis Playgroup. How did Peanut know, before even touching the icicle that it would be cool and warranted the face of pure happiness? Oh how she was distraught when it was taken away. I think she was really just pissed off because Monkey Boy took it and broke it into 12 pieces and that was the end of Fun With Sharp Frozen Things. *** I'm so irked at the whole T.O. thing in Dallas. I wish Jerry Jones would just stick his head further up his ass. *** When you stub your toe and the next day it looks like your 3yr old colored your foot with black, blue and purple markers, you probably broke it. *** It doesn't feel good when said 3yr old stomps on said foot during one of appx 14 meltdowns - this morning. *** Trying to rearrange a bedroom that 2 kids and an adult share while all those people are in there? Not such a good idea. *** ...

Wait...What?

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