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My Dearest Customers

Just a couple of reminders my dear, sweet, valuable customers:

  • Being able to read is nothing to be ashamed of. Show off that skill. Knowing that a piece of paper that says "this is not a redeemable coupon" and knowing what to do with it (or not do with it) is a good thing. Go with it. Take it home with you. Roll some Mary Jane in it. I don't care. Stop trying to get $3 from me.
  • Throwing your money, crumpled up and moist from, gah, who knows where? That won't help you get out of my store faster. Be happy I didn't throw on latex gloves and keep your ass there longer.
  • In the same respect, tossing your credit card at me won't get you out faster either. I'll just, oh so nicely, remind you that you can swipe it right there (that pretty black box facing you). I won't tell you the magnetic strip goes down. I'm hopeful you can figure that one out on your own. Oops, guess not.
  • I'm sorry that the chips you purchased tasted like crap. I could have told you that had you come through my line to buy them. That's how they're supposed to taste. I can't give you money back because you didn't like them. Don't buy funky flavored crap anymore.

Oh thank you dear customers for allowing me to grace your presence and have this refresher course with you tonight. Have a great evening and we'll see you soon.

Your customer service rep,

The Crabby, Sarcastic, Pregnant One

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Comments

Very Mary said…
I fear that some of your customers may also be some of my students.
1:11 AM
Mandy said…
i believe that the customer is always right... and therefore you should return the funky flavored chips for them... because at cub foods we hand out money like free candy.
10:54 PM
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