Wait...What?

We are entering a new era in the house of Wise. Potty Training. Yipes. Diapers are costing way too much and Monkey Boy knows how to follow commands. I've been having some issues with Pampers lately. He wears size 6 and weighs almost 47 pounds. Therein lies a huge problem. He's got some junk in his trunk. He's a big boy. It's all good though. The tabs keep breaking off of the diapers and no matter what I do, there they are: on the floor, in his bed, in Peanut's mouth because she finds them on said floor or bed. Sometimes we use Huggies but they don't seem to hold has much at night as the Pampers . This weekend I picked up some underwear for him. We also got some of these and some of these . Being the idiot that I am, I thought that 9 pairs would do us well. Yeah no, 3 stinky accidents and 5 wet ones, yeah I'll be doing laundry every other day. I think I'll run out tonight and get some of these and maybe even some of these . He loves to go potty and I...

She's still as cute as humanly possible. Yes, despite her best efforts to ruin her 1 year photos, Peanut's session turned out well. She also decided she wasn't going to smile just because we told her to. The guys were so patient with her, bless their hearts. Guys. I've never had a guy take any of the kids' photos. It was refreshing. They were all easy on the eyes too but I digress. It was good to see an all male studio (at least today they were all male, the girls must have asked for the day off). We tried noises. The bunny (the results of which made all of us crack up). Nothing seemed to be working. Then Mama busted out the cell phone and all was good in the world.

Last week the Peanut turned 1. This weekend we're getting her photos taken because I like to have 3,298 photos on the computer and 471 laying around the house, about 265 of which are from Sears . Last time we took her in, the obligatory 9mo shot that we MUST have, Peanut decided to fall off the single step landing and get a scratch on her nose. 2 days before the session. Nice. She healed pretty fast and it didn't look so bad. She's one upping herself people and it's not pretty. She fell off the couch yesterday (she was excited and didn't realize just how close to the edge her backside was and bloomp, down she went). Under her right eye now lives a little scratch. I can deal. Oh no. Last night she decided she wanted to climb up on the piano bench and look out the window. Didn't work quite the way she planned. Injury #2: a boxer's gash above her left eye. Puffy. Bleeder. Scream inducing. Heart attack producing. I thought I was going to be ill from fear. I than...

My mother and I used to watch ice skating all the time back in the day. I mean waaay back in the day, Scott Hamilton skating competitively day. I remember when he did backflips and people would lose. their. minds. Brian Boitano. Katarina Witt. If they skated and announce now, we watched them. Ice skating aside, we never really got into the winter games. Just not our thing. Summer games not so much either but that's another story. I found out that my mother in law loves to watch the ice skating too. My husband actually watches it with us. He doesn't have the same appreciation for it and it's hard to hear the announcers over his intense giggling at some artistic expression. In addition to the skating, we watch the hockey (we do live in the State of Hockey afterall) and the speed skating. Oh and curling. Go Bimidji!! Last night was the first time that we watched for more than five minutes and here's what we've seen: Joey Cheek : I call him Cheeky. Look at Cheeky go! ...

Since my husband was raised a Jehovah's Witness (he's non practicing now) he never did the holiday thing. They don't celebrate any holidays. That's cool, they save a lot of money I'm sure. When we started dating, I told him that the holidays aren't a huge thing in my life but I buy into the commercialism of them. I admit it. I decorate for Christmas, I get Easter eggs, fill them with candy and give them to him. I even decorate eggs so they can sit there looking pretty and then we eat them. I don't really get into Valentine's Day perhaps because of my past. I don't recall being with someone worthwhile on VDay in my dating times. It's always a holiday that I kind of dreaded because if i wasn't with someone, I felt hopeless and if I was "lucky" enough to be with someone, I knew that someone would blow the whole thing. Forget the event, not make any effort. Just wreck it. My husband is not one of those men. He may forget but he has an e...

Here I thought the DL didn't have a good time to offer to me. We went "up north eh" to see the husband's grandparents. They hadn't seen Peanut in person yet. Of course they loved her and Monkey Boy. The husband and I went on a date Sat night. We were going to a movie but the selection in a small town is not so hot so we asked Gramma where some bars were. She sent us to Becker's Sports Grille. It was nice, had a couple beers, talked with the cool bartender chick, tried a new shot and had a blast with the husband. We'll have to go on dates more often. Some drinks they had in the Drink Rolodex (ingredients and amounts vary bar to bar) A Dead Nazi - Shot 1/2 oz Rumpleminze 1/2 oz Jagermeister Duck Fart - Shot 1/2 oz Kahlua 1/2 oz Bailey's 1/2 oz whiskey cream such as Crown Royal Frog Snot - Drink 3/4 shot Amaretto 3/4 shot Midori 3/4 shot Peach Schnapps fill with pineapple juice

The Supernanny is holding auditions at the Mall Of America tomorrow and let me tell you: if we weren't going to the DL to see the great grandparents (who have yet to see Peanut in person) I would be down there right now to secure a spot at the front of the line. Then again, I wouldn't subject my inlaws to potential nation wide broadcast of the horrors that happen in their house with my son. Not fair to them. Plus side to living so close to the Twin Cities: if the boy is still like this when we get our own place, we know the show will be back. It's a huge market. TV shows like the Cities. We like them too. Seriously though, if I can't get the boy to buck up and be good, I'll find Jo Frost and pay her whatever she needs to help me, uh I mean him, out. And....I was instructed this morning to turn the channel from the Wiggles back to Holly Hobbie . IMMEDIATELY!! I'll never figure this kid out.

I've found that sometimes being lazy isn't so bad. Energy isn't really a word that exists in my vocabulary. It used to be there. Long ago, before kids. Some people say kids make you feel young. Can I try those kids out for a bit? Monkey Boy is enamored with Lazytown . I used to be freaked out with the show because it has 3 humans and the rest are puppets. It's a little creepy to watch at first. Then, when I realized that it made Monkey Boy want to exercise, I was all over it. One downside: it's on at the same time The Doodlebops are. Some days he wants one, some days, the other. Hard to tell until the meltdown happens. I did some research on Lazytown to see what it was all about. They call fruits and veggies "Sports Candy". Not a bad idea since Monkey Boy is all about candy. Then, of course, I had to see what Sportacus and Robbie Rotten looked like out of character. Well, needless to say, I watch it now as well. How can you not like the name StefÃn Kar...

I would have to agree 100% with this . It's appalling and I don't care who's taking photos of her child. PUT HIM IN THE CAR SEAT! I've been saying (since she announced she and dipshit were procreating) that I need to go back to school. I need to become a child psychologist, move out to California and wait for that poor child to come to me for help. I would make millions. MILLIONS I tell you! I also have to comment on Meg Ryan. I like her a lot and I think she's a good person. HOWEVER. This makes me upset. Ok, not the fact that the nanny, or whoever that is, is holding the baby. It's that in EVERY picture I've seen of Ms. Ryan and the baby, she's not holding the baby that SHE adopted. Maybe she needs her hands free to take a call? Chase people away? Talk with her hands? (I have first hand experience with the gesturing. I am notoriously throwing my hands around as I talk. Did you like the unintended pun? You're welcome.) I just shake my head.

Courtesy of my husband...... A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good...

So I type this whole post up (which may or may not be below this one) and Blogger is having issues. It wants me to post 10 minutes later, I save it as a draft then post, still tells me to post 10 minutes later. I wait, look at mail, etc, come back and under edit posts, it shows it's posted AND saved as a draft. Click view blog and I'm not authorized? Um, I better be, it's my blog. I did a lot of venting in that post. It was like therapy for me. Now I'm going to share pictures from the World Of Wheels show that we went to today at the Minneapolis Convention Center where the parking people at the ramped garage are MORONS!!! Ok on to the show and yeah, we saw Rusty Wallace. Yay! What a guy. I'm sure he'll have writer's cramp tomorrow but he never complains. He signed a coat for each of us and Peanut's hat plus a car for Papa. Well, the coats were Papa's too. We're Jr fans helping Papa get as many autographs as he can. This car had to most beautiful...

Do you ever have one of those days where you feel like you're the worst mother? Like nothing is going well? Paranoia? Worry? You've failed? No? Well I've had several and I really don't like them. At all. I love my children more than I could ever possibly express in words or actions. Sometimes I feel I am failing them. Monkey Boy can be such a sweet sweet child and then turn 180 degrees and turn into...I don't know. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I'm being as patient as I can with him. His aggression is really bothering me. He lashes out at me, his dad and his sister. Not to anyone else though. Not that I want him to. It's just us. I read somewhere years ago that a child will hurt the ones he loves the most because he knows they will love him still. I believe that. I just don't know what to do with him anymore. We've got a doctor's appointment set up for the 14th to recheck the ear infections (they are both recovering well). During tha...

2 sick kids, a husband getting sick, a FIL very sick and MIL trying to fight whatever's attacking her and me? Yeah, I've spent entirely too much time in the bathroom. This is not a pretty house. Monkey Boy seems to be much better though he still has a cough. Peanut though, she's not good at all. She's coughing, throwing up, can't breathe through her nose at all, all crusty and blech. Her ears are so red and she's yanking on them so much. Our neice is sick and Fluffy, my SIL that shares a house with them, came home early from work sick. Hopefully they will all feel better soon. We may very well be watching the big game at our respective houses. I ate half a package of Oreos 2 days ago and had a "Zebra Mocha" at Caribou yesterday. That's a lot of chocolate for someone who is allergic to it. I call it an allergy. Other people call it "your body just doesn't like it". Hmm. Same thing to me. I'll cut to the chase on what it does. It...

That's right, we have a disturbance w/ children involved by a mental case. The mental case here would be, shocker!, Monkey Boy. Monkey Boy did cause OBS PI* to the Peanut. Offenses are: Code 273 - Assault on a person Code 594 - Malicious mischief Code 22350 - Speeding combined with.... Code 20002a - Misdemeanor hit and run The hit and run is not a felony as the Peanut was able to get up and run away from the offender. She was not happy and was more than willing to share her displeasure with anyone in a 5 mile radius. He was almost charged with a Code 647d (loitering in a restroom) but he actually peed in the potty chair this time instead of parking his ass there for a 1/2 hour. * Observed physical injury I fully expect to see Det. Green at my house any moment to question Monkey Boy. Hopefully Mr. McCoy will go easy on the boy even though he has had several prior offenses. Maybe take his age and mental status into account? We are adjourned for a snack.

.....being this cute yet feeling this bad.

We're in full Monsters, Inc. mode here. We are on viewing number 5 since coming home from the doctor's yesterday. Clearly, Mike Wazlowski and "Kitty" help Monkey Boy through his trauma. Ever since the popcorn incident , Monkey Boy doesn't like anyone looking in, near, around, close to, within 5 miles of his ears. Or his nose for that matter. Well, the nurse was impressed with how still I kept the kicking and screaming boy as she peered into the abyss. I said we have lots of practice at home for when he throws tantrums. I won't let him throw and kick and scream. I'll hold him until he starts to settle down. You may disagree and I respect that but until you've been punched in the nose, throat, eye, chest and/or breasts by my son, then don't ride my ass for how I calm him down. (I honestly don't know why I just went off like that - I think it's a preventive measure perhaps. I know someone out there won't like that we hold him until he ca...