Wait...What?

Thank you to everyone that sent along their good wishes. It meant a lot to me. I went back to work Tuesday and I think perhaps I should have taken it easy one more day. My thighs are still hurting but they feel better than where the iv was. Seriously? Did they leave part of the iv catheter thingy thing in there? I compare how it feels to my other wrist topside and there's something there. And it hurts. A lot. You know when they put the iv needle in, then take the needle out leaving the plastic "vessel" type who ha in there? Yeah, that thing. I think it's in there. Or part of it. It's rock hard and hurts like hell. There's some minor tingling in my hand but nothing to cause concern. It's not blue or freezing cold so that's a plus. Hmph . It'll be a week tomorrow. Monday I'm calling someone's ass to find out what the dealio is. Is it wrong that my mother in law and I have been too lazy tired to cook dinner for the children and ourselves so...

I thought I would be with this recovery thing. I mean I was up and walking the day of my back surgery. I was itching to go back to work a couple days after my 2nd child was born. This thing? This thing kicked my ass. I feel like I had an up close and personal chat with a mac truck and the truck was unhappy. The entry points for the catheters are not feeling so bad. A lump under each one but not serious pain. I feel as though someone threw a softball at my left kidney though. And my hand is killing me where they had the iv. I didn't sleep the whole time I was there except for right afterwards because I was still drugged up. I was awake all Friday night/Saturday morning. I was sick for a good portion of that too. That's always fun. I kept hoping and praying that the kids were asleep for Fluffy and they were being good. When we came home, my sister in law told me she was shocked the Peanut gave her so much grief. I was shocked too. I worry about Monkey Boy because of his past prob...

We should be there by 8am for a 9am echocardiogram. We arrive at 745am. We are called in at 859am. The ablation is scheduled for 1130am. 8 different people come in to the room between 1030 and 130. I'm rolling to the ablation at 140. I'm not good at math but that seems a little later than 1130. I'm alive, legs are sore and my sister in law has not lost her sanity yet with the kids. She says they are being good but I think she's just saying that so that we don't feel bad that they are being terrors. I heart my sister in law. Thanks for all the good thoughts. Keep them coming so that I can sleep well tonight. I mean I know it's not good thoughts about not dying but a good night's sleep away from the kids is almost as important. Right?

You would think I would be in a bed, sound asleep right now with all that is going on tomorrow but no. Here I am. I can't sleep. I've cried so much and really feel like a wuss for doing so. I know I'm not going to die but still. Catheters. Wires traveling said catheters to my heart. Using energy to zap "extra cells". Yeah, it's not sitting so well with me. I'm still scared shitless. I can't eat or drink anything after midnight. Yikes. I should be OK with that though. I've never been a breakfast kind of person. One of my main concerns, apart from that whole dying thing? Is the food going to be good? When I had my kids, the hospitals had awesome food. I mean amazing grilled cheese sammiches. I like to think they saved all the good stuff for the new moms cause they knew we would need it. At the hospital where I had Peanut, I am not lying when I say the day went like this: Had her at 1:20 pm, ordered a cheeseburger, 2 grilled cheese and cottage cheese...

So for years now I've had fainting spells, blackouts, dizziness, rapid heart palpitations and whatnot. I had a Holter Monitor on in 8th grade from passing out so much. Nothing serious was noted in the results from that. We moved on, nothing more happened really. About ten years later, blackout spells started. I had so many tests run to figure out what was happening. Tilt table tests are kinda fun when you're not freaking out about dying. I'm a weirdo. They couldn't find anything wrong with me except I had low blood pressure. This was contributing to the spells. Around the same time, a cousin of mine was having the same problems. We're 3 weeks apart in age. We compared notes and joked that, of course, we'd be going through the same thing. We were a lot alike personality wise growing up. When I spent summers at my gramma's place, my cousin and I would spend hours cruising town. Those were some good times. So here we are in our early twenties, passing out and ...

Our cousin Olivia ships out to Iraq tomorrow. It's still sinking in to me that she's actually going. I mean, yes, I knew that she signed up for the Marine Corps and believe me, I am bursting with pride about it. It's just when someone you know and love is going off to a not so stable place, it makes you put your life in perspective. Perhaps rethink your priorities. What's important to you, how you live your life, what you're thankful for. These are things I think of when I see her leaving. I also think of her saying that she was going to miss US Weekly, Star and People magazines. My sister in law and I are going to make sure she keeps up on all the gossip. We're going to DVR Grey's Anatomy and Heroes for her. I'm thinking of tossing in The Office and some other feel good ones for her. Her mission over there is to convert one of the guys into a full on Grey's fan. I think she can do it. A really good friend of mine, Mandy , well her boyfriend is in bo...

That's all I can do right now. I'll update more later. Right now, I'm on my way to the nursing home to get my gramma-in-law's glasses and a couple other items. She's in the hospital (2nd time in 5 days). She had a heart attack last night, has pnuemonia and kidney failure. She's alert right now, knows what's going on, who's there and whatnot. The girls and I just went to see her yesterday with my MIL and she looked great. It's horrible how things can change in a few hours. Monkey Boy is in preschool fullsteam now. He really seems to like it a lot. No complaints from the teacher so far. I'm waiting though. Oh ye, of little faith. The other grandparents'-in-laws are moved into the assisted living apartments now in Fargo. What an emotional time for them. I've never really had a house to be attached to since I was a military kid. I mean I've only lived in 4 different houses/complexes, that I can remember. I was lucky. My MIL is having a ro...

Simon would be cruel on the missing lyrics . I think it adds cuteness and charm. Would it kill her to let someone help her out ?? Sheesh.

I'm a reality tv whore. I can't get enough of the stuff. I've seen it all just about. Just today, I've watched parts of Rock of Love (though I missed 3/4 of the last episode and I SO wanted to see Lacey fall on the table drunk. Thank goodness that repeats are played 87 times), ANTM, The Coreys, etc. One show that I laugh at, no matter what is happening onscreen, is The Pickup Artist. Now listen, I'm not that heartless of a bitch to say that these fellas don't deserve some lovin'. They do. That being said.....why are you crying on national television on a show that is about you NOT being able to get a woman? I know you're insecure, I get that. Everyday, I feel the same way. I didn't hear what was said leading up to the bawling fest but good God men! Three of you, sitting there like someone took your lollipop away. Do you really want to take advice from this guy ? He wears a hat straight out of Alice in Wonderland and have you seen the Willy Wonka glas...

Preschool, an ablation, self doubts, potty training, tempers, anxiety, pain, sadness, worry. I can't deal with all of this at once. It's just too much for one person. Separately, these things are not so bad. Throw them all together and voila ! You've got me heading down into my funk. I don't like my funk. I'm not me when I'm there. I hate medication. Last one I was on made me feel weird and not in a good way weird. I don't know what to do anymore. I just think about letting life flow right by me. No need to jump in all the time. Take a break. I can't do that though. Not as a parent. I shouldn't worry about seemingly silly things. Emotions that all parents go through and yet here I am. Doing just that. I don't want to take the boy to the doctors' but we need help with him. I hurt for him. I cry for him when people look at him as if he's a high maintenance child. High energy. High stress. Hey, that's my son you're talking about. Ple...